Hey @trent-davis! This is a really good start! Few tiny changes I’d like you to make.

Remove introducing yourself as the first thing you say (add it in the middle, and i’ll show you where in a moment).

But right now, you are asking 5 questions and that’s a lot. I want to help you organize your points.

Please fill this template out instead:

How about you start off asking up to 3 POWERFUL pain point questions…

Are you WANTING _________?
Do you NEED __________?

Want __________?

(after you ask 3 questions)

If you answered ‘YES’ to those questions, you came to the right place!

Hi, I’m _______ and I am a ____________ helping clients with _________.

(2-5 sentences saying HOW exactly you plan to help / how you serve your clients)

(you can add 1-2 more sentences about why they should work with you or maybe a motivating 1 liner to get them excited)

If you want _______________ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit.

Hey @trent-davis, you did a super job revising!

This sentence is SUPER complex:

Using proprietary processes that are redefining the way independent advisors advance their business through the development of Key Result Areas (KRA’s), the essential growth functions of financial practice.

Please consider breaking it down so people can easily understand what you do and how you help them.

When you fix that you can go ahead and film!