Rhea Tobin – Hero Story Feedback

[Rhea Tobin]

@negeen-dargahi  @kent-littlejohn

I have completed my Hero Story and broken it into two parts.  Would you please review and provide feedback?  Yes, I did “borrow” some lines from Kent’s Hero Story when it worked but most of it is my story.

Thanks,

Rhea Tobin

 

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Hi @rhea-tobin! NICE job taking action on your hero story! Tagging in @halle-eavelyn to provide you feedback on this!

[Halle Eavelyn]

This is FABULOUS, @rhea-tobin!! YAY!!

Part 1:

I’d condense THIS:
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>During that time I finished my bachelor’s degree and wanted to get a job as a television producer (60 Minutes to be precise).</p>
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>At the time the economy was not great and I didn’t know anyone at CBS or at 60 Minutes and I lived in Boston so that dream did not work out but it did lead me to my next career opportunity.</p>
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>I started working in Contracts at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute which led to a contracts job working in a technology company where I worked for over 12 years.</p>
To this:
<p style=”padding-left: 30px;”>During that time I finished my bachelor’s degree and started working in Contracts at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. This led to a contracts job working in a technology company where I worked for over 12 years.</p>
Since the rest of the anecdote had no point, best to leave it out here.

Part II:

Make sure BOTH parts’ titles are the SAME and are Title Case! Only words NOT capitalized are or/and/the unless the title STARTS with The.

You need a CALL TO ACTION at the end.  If you’re interested in partnering with me OR in learning more about how you too can experience the same growth, message me on LinkedIn!

Something like that –

The rest is already terrific!! Great job!!

@negeen-dargahi , @amanda-hendrickson, @kent-littlejohn

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