6 years ago-
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Thanks, Negeen. I am grateful for your help! Here is Draft #2:
“Let me ask you something.”
“Have you been waiting for the day when you leave work with a sense of accomplishment, knowing you are doing what you were called to do?”
“Do you want to make an impact professionally on other peoples’ lives?”
“Are you READY to finally be happy?”
“If you said YES to all of those questions…you came to the right place at the right time!”
“Hi, I’m Roberta Moore and I am an executive coach and an expert in Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Development.”
After 17 years of coaching professionals to use their emotions as a positive force in the workplace, I know EXACTLY how to help YOU achieve your professional goals, without wasting time or falling short of success.
You will be given the stepping stones to 16 EQ skills that can help you skyrocket your career.
If you want to develop the steady self-control that people respond to and respect (and earn more income as a result), then call me today at 314-499-1110, e-mail me at ram@consciouschoices.com, or Message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit.
I look forward to hearing from you!
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@roberta-moore I really like that infomercial! you have a unique coaching proposition which you were able to convey in very few words! I am re-making mine as well. Mine is too long! Hopefully the second time around won’t be as hard!
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@roberta-moore, you are burying the lead! Look at the bottom…
If you want to develop the steady self-control that people respond to and respect (and earn more income as a result),
That’s the stuff you need to hit them with at the top as well!
And with your 3 questions, you can also lose: “Let me ask you something” – you don’t need it as a lead in any more.
THIS: use their emotions as a positive force in the workplace
Is NOT emotionally evocative – what words can you use to make them FEEL what you’re saying?? Maybe give a short example (one sentence), or just reword – also, keep it ALL in 2nd person if you can – it’s stronger if you’re ALWAYS talking to them, so: After 17 years of coaching professionals, I can help YOU, etc.
Make sense?
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Hi Halle,
Please comment on Draft #3:
Do you want to develop the steady self-control it takes to communicate appropriately when emotions get tense at work?
Do you want to learn to manage your emotions in high-stress situations so you don’t react in a way you later regret?
Do you want to break on-the-job habits that create self-induced stress, like procrastination or perfectionism?
If you said YES to any of these questions, you came to the right place.
Hi, I’m Roberta Moore and I’m an Executive Coach and an expert on Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Development.
After 17 years of coaching professionals to use their emotions and thoughts in ways that supports positive behavior patterns, I know exactly how to help you. I can help you develop the self-assurance and steady self-control it takes to follow-through on your plans, accomplish your goals, turn your dreams into reality.
When working with me, you will develop EQ skills that will help you skyrocket your career.
If you want to learn how to harness the positive power of your thoughts and emotions to move yourself forward, then call me today at 314-499-1110, e-mail me at roberta@moorerelationships.com, or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we might be a good fit to work together.
I look forward to hearing from you!
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Hi @roberta-moore! You did a very nice job revising! I’m going to tag in @halle-eavelyn so she sees this.
One feedback I have is to shorten your call to action – consider saying:
If you are READY to learn how to harness the positive power of your thoughts and emotions to move forward, then message me here on LinkedIn TODAY to see if we’re a good fit!
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Hi @roberta-moore! Fantastic! Here’s how:
Please send your script to summit@coredm.com so we can have it loaded and ready for you in the teleprompter.
I look forward to meeting you at the Live Summit 🙂
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