4 years, 1 month ago-
Posts
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Hello everyone!
Wondering if someone could give me feedback on my profile, thank you!
@negeen-dargahi, @kent-littlejohn, @halle-eavelyn, @matt-barcus
http://www.linkedin.com/in/propertiesnationwide
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Hey @felipe-de-castro! Nice job posting your profile for review – below is my feedback:
Profile Photo: Great photo – can you zoom out a bit so your head isn’t cut off?
You also need a better background photo that really depicts what you do in your field of work. I want you to also email Lindsey, our graphic designer, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something custom for you to use!
Headline:
This is the best piece of ‘real estate’ on your LinkedIn profile. Based on reading your headline, while it does grab my attention, i’d like for it to also give some idea of what you do and what your profession is. Let’s really make it POP.
How about filling out this template:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important.
How about you ask 3 POWERFUL pain point questions your clients struggle with.
What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?” THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
Right now, a lot of it is about you and not enough about them.
Look at Kent’s profile and notice how he’s leading you through his sales letter. I’d like you to do the same – feel free to use his outline as a skeletal structure, as we teach the same outline in the program:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
You want to provide information that is:
Telling your readers WHO you work with, HOW you help them and WHY they should work with you. It’s nice to educate them but not throughout the entire profile.
The “why join our team” is not engaging because the bullet points are too much. For your sales letter, really talk to your perfect client.
Instead of saying “While faith is a big part of who we are, one of our primary objectives is to bring wholesome back into Hollywood but in fresh, updated, and exciting new ways!”
You can say:
Our mission is to bring WHOLESOME back into Hollywood though fresh and exciting new ways! YOU can be a part of the massive change we are about to make!
Call To Action:
You need a better one.
If you’re ready for [PAIN POINT] then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me in your revision!! 🙂
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Hello Negeen! Thank you for the feed back. Here’s the new and hopefully improved version. Looking forward ti your feedback.
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Hello Negeen! I neglected to tag you. So here I am sending the message again. Sorry about that.
Hello Negeen! Thank you for the feedback. Here’s the new and hopefully improved version. Looking forward to your feedback!
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Hey @felipe-de-castro! Nice work taking action on my comments! Did you reach out to Lindsey about your banner image? Also, zoom out on your profile photo so your head isn’t cut off.
Lindsey@coredm.com
Your headline has improved and gives me a much better idea of what you do — that being said, I wanted to make it POP even more because I’m still foggy. You can revise what I wrote but it gives more detail. (the “without losing money” could be tweaked”)
Ready To INVEST In The Booming Entertainment Industry WITHOUT Losing Money? ☆EXPERT Helping Clients Thrive☆☞MSG Me!
About Section:
Right now, your about me is really focused on YOU and not enough on THEM. Your pain point questions are a good start. Take out “CONTACT ME” because this is a sales letter and your call to action belongs at the very end.
Here’s how I want the outline to look (similar to Kents):
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3 PAIN POINT QUESTIONS
If that sounds like you… you came to the right place!
When you work with me, YOU can rest assured that you’re about to invest in something HUGE.
Essentially…
[TALK ABOUT HOW THEY CAN BENEFIT – don’t talk about YOU making money and then THEM making money. ALWAYS make it about them].
WHO I WORK WITH: ______,______,_____ (or you can say) I work with individuals who are READY to invest in themselves and eager to take their lives to the next step. I know this business like no other.
We believe that if we can bring success to our investors we bring success to our company! We prefer building long term relationships than one time associations. We invite you to join us in this pivotal time where so many changes are happening to the entertainment industry, and with it, TREMENDOUS OPPORTUNITY awaits!
Check this out…
Last year I have presented the opportunity to raise $500K for our current full feature film starring Snoop Dogg and Stephen Baldwin! I was so impressed by the project and team, I decided to invest $250K of MY OWN money.
I’ll be making my investment back plus a nice residual!While I can’t guarantee rates of return, what I CAN tell you is historical films, of the same genre as this one, have not lost money, so I’m very confident this will be a WIN-WIN opportunity!
What’s even better?
We are getting ready for our next lucrative project. I’ve been given the GREEN LIGHT to invite prospective investors like you to JOIN IN.
[ you can add more details to how the process works]
Good call to action!!
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Overall, awesome job! Check out Kent’s sales letter to see where I’m getting the inspo from —> https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
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Wow! Thank you Neegen! I absolutely love your suggestions. I guess where I am struggling is on viewing what I do as a service to them. I am asking them (clients) for money to invest so we can make movies and tv shows etc. But that’s just my own perspective. Putting on a different pair of glasses. Thank you! As for the background, I honestly forgot. My son got married last week and I was out of town for the wedding. But will get it done! Again, Thank you!
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Negeen! Another reason I am dancing around the “making money” issue is that I can not guarantee returns. Legally it is frown upon if I start making claims. When I said “never lost money” I did preface it by saying “historically that genre has never lost money”. I didn’t say they all made money. Makes sense? So I have too be careful how I word things. The fact is entertainment is speculative. So I have to be careful. Your thoughts please
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Hello Negeen,
hope all is well. Here are the latest revisions. Thank you for all your help and insight
https://www.linkedin.com/in/propertiesnationwide/
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Hey @felipe-de-castro – I totally understand and agree with you. Towards the end I would add a blurb saying the above about investing so you aren’t misleading them.
Also – your profile photo looks great but it’s rather dark with the dark background. You can keep it but also consider having Lindsey add a white background for you. She can also customize the banner image for you.
Overall – everything looks amazing! You’re good to move forward 🙂
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