Profile Review and comments welcome

[Mark Brundage]

Here is my link to profile for comments.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-brundage-stock-loans/

The video 4 took a long time and a number of things shown are either no longer available or I had to spend a very long time exhausting how to find them I spent the last 30 minutes of video taking more than 1 hour trying and hunting to find links because GUI is different and since the interface in LI is different it would be helpful to redo video for clarity.

 I need to get people to endorse my skills

I need to ask for recommendations which I have none and I don’t even see it in my profile and video I could not follow GUI was different.  (Home/High End Client Program/Mindset and Momentum/LESSON 2 – Update Your LinkedIn Profile in Video 4 about 30 minutes)

GUI is different on adding websites does not allow for keywords anymore.

I need to do this still:  He recommends “accomplishments” adding for lead gen SEO  Projects & Publish  (Home/High End Client Program/Mindset and Momentum/LESSON 2 – Update Your LinkedIn Profile in Video 4 about 40 minutes)  It is an opportunity to add more key words.  Name use your key words

[n d]

HI @mark-brundage! No problem, I’m happy to help you get back on the right page. Below I’ve provided some feedback to your profile.

****Keep in mind, your CONTENT is written in your “about me” section and not the “summary” section. Here’s how to find the “summary” section.

• Go to your profile
• click on the pen icon to make changes
• you will see a window pop up, scroll down until you see “Summary”
• That is where you add your “HOW I CAN HELP YOU” content

Good profile photo but do you have a photo of you facing the camera? Turning to the side isn’t as beneficial as facing the camera and smiling.

I don’t like your background photo very much. I’d also like you to email our graphic designer, Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better.

Lindsey@coredm.com

Headline:

What you have is good but I wanted to make a couple of tweaks:

✔WANT To Ear $500+ MILLION Instantly With C Level Stock Loans WITHOUT Using Personal Cash? 💬 Message Me 💬

Summary:

Can you please add the content from your “About Me” into your “Summary” and then let me know when to review? This will help me provide accurate feedback, especially when we are working with the character limit.

Great work so far!

[Mark Brundage]

Neegen,

I am not sure what you are referencing I followed the same format as was instructed here is link https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Mine is placed in the same spots and looks formatted same to John Little’s.

Headline you wrote does not make any sense to my business nor do I even understand it, sorry not changing it to what you wrote.

Summary is in the Summary section already NOT “about me” as you wrote, not sure about this comment either.  Summary is already down to the last character I can use.

I did not make any changes based on your feedback.

I will contact lindsey for a new picture.

Any other comments?

In addition, I posted other questions.  thank you.

Mark

[n d]

Hi @mark-brundage, I see what you’re saying! My apologies on that.

LinkedIn has had the “About” labeled as “summary” for the longest time and I guess they changed it recently. Sorry about that confusion!!

Below is my feedback on your content:

Your first paragraph is VERY long. Break it up with spaces below your points, as Kent has done. I will do it for you below so you can see:

REDO:

✔HOW I CAN HELP YOU IN 18 WORDS:

❝You will instantly GAIN access to money AND liquidity fast, easily and cheaply using your publicly traded stock/securities.❞

Ponder this…for 3 decades, as an expert, I have helped people like you fulfill unlimited amounts of money and liquidity for any purpose using your securities, reduce concentrated risk, solve complex puzzles to permit you to instantly achieve your life goals.

[This is a long sentence. Please break it up into 2 so it doesn’t run on]

International stock loans and share loans are offered for our global clients in North America, Asia Stock Borrowing, Europe Share Loans or Share Financing, Central America, South America and Africa Stock Loans. Virtually all Major World Wide Stock Exchanges are accepted and borrowers from around the globe are helped too.

[It’s good to educate your readers but this is dragging on ^]

[Overall, Kent recommends running your summary through the Hemingway app and getting a grade 5 or below. Keep this in mind]

http://www.hemingwayapp.com/

—

You also have a call to action in the middle of your summary, please move all CTA to the very end:

“✍ Have Questions or find yourself wanting to uncover more than Message Me Now! 💬”

You also say the above 3x.

Instead, try this at the end:

If you’re READY to _______  message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

—

Mark, in my opinion, your sales letter is packed with good information but it’s not really grabbing me.

Your sales letter is meant to empathize with your potential clients and connect with them. I’m not feeling that connection.

I challenge you to copy Kent’s exact summary outline and add your own information to it. Look how he uses verbiage like:

“I know what you are thinking…” “Essentially…” “

“You have changed my life”

Those are 5 words that I could hear every single day and it will add fuel to our already BLAZING HOT fire. 🙂

^ This adds personality and makes you want to contact him. I’d like to see that in your summary.

Let me know your thoughts!

cc: @halle-eavelyn

[Mark Brundage]

Neegen,

I accepted your critic that first paragraph is very long and restructured it, so that was really good feedback  I did not add CR’s like you showed after ✔HOW I CAN HELP YOU IN 18 WORDS: or the 18 words in quotes because that would eliminate the text from being seen at the main LI profile page and it simply does not make any sense to do that, doing that would provide them very little information above the “show me more” so that I did not accept as you want people’s eyes to continue reading so they want to click “show me more” not display blank space of two lines of this very valuable realestate.  I did break up the sentences and reorder some of the content.

Your dragging on comment made me reorder the countries to the bottom remove some terms as I need more characters but lost some SEO value doing it.   I left the summary of countries at the top with CR.  I did add some CR’s to break up this area too.

I still kept 3 CTA’s as that has worked for me for years in my copy to keep requesting people to a CTA, however I did mix them up taking into your consideration and hid one into the body of text.  Most people will scan and not read as I am sure you are aware so that is the reason for multiple CTA’s but I did take into consideration your feedback by changing them up.  Thanks.

I have zero characters left.  As you know we are limited on character count so adding all this personality as you wrote there simply is not enough room.  This is not a long page sales letter and I do have to cover a lot.  I am not adverse to it but I know the information I have in there gets people to take action already.  Thank you for your feedback.

Kindest Regards,

Mark

[Halle Eavelyn]

@mark-brundage, I’m suggesting the following headline change:

Now:

✔Discover how you can get $500+ MILLION instantly C LEVEL STOCK LOANS using your publicly traded stock 💬 Message Me 💬

Update:

✔Want to access $500+ MILLION instantly? Get C LEVEL STOCK LOANS using your publicly traded stock 💬 Message Me 💬

I take it it’s not free to get the loan.  If it is no out of pocket cash, you may want to add a mention about that. That’s what @negeen-dargahi was suggesting.

Talk tomorrow!!

[Mark Brundage]

@halle-eavelyn

@kent-littlejohn

Halle,

I fixed the misspelled words and had somebody review it per your recommendation as you recommended too.

I also changed the last CTA much more “alpha dog” as you suggested.  I tend to go with a soft triggering approach, based on your comments I took them into consideration to a create much more aggressive CTA still sub active which is very direct and can work too.  I prefer writing certain language patterns in italics to raise awareness into the mind but that is missing ability in LI.

Thanks for your suggestions and time shared as well as constructive comments.

Kindest Regards,

Mark

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