5 years, 6 months ago-
Posts
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Shari:
Look at your profile and you’ll see that most of the paragraphs begin with “I” Perhaps you could make them questions. Such as “would you like to sell your home in 33 days? That’s my average.
Staging a home helps it sell sooner and for a better price. That’s often part of my service.
I think that’s what they are trying to teach us. I just used those two things as examples.
Good luck. It’s a challenge, isn’t it?
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Hi @shari-lawrence! NICE work taking massive imperfeCT action on your profile! Below is my feedback:
A very nice profile photo – very professional!
You also need a background photo (the rectangular blue space behind your profile photo). I want you to email our graphic designer and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something for you to use!
Headline:
I really like what you have written. Instead of saying “contact me” I want you to replace it with “message me!” since you will be learning about messaging your LinkedIn connections.
Summary:
Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.
There’s far too much emphasis on YOU and not enough on THEM – this is especially apparent because you are starting off each sentence with “i”. I challenge you to replace that with “you”.
Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important.
How about you ask 3 POWERFUL pain point questions your clients struggle with.
What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?” THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
Here are some examples from clients in the program you can get inspiration from. We teach this format in the program:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/You want to provide information that is:
Telling your readers WHO you work with, HOW you help them and WHY they should work with you.
You do have some great info but it just needs to flow better.
Call To Action:
What you have is okay – how about this instead:
If you’re READY for _______ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me in your revision!! 🙂
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Please review, I have updated again.
Thank you.
Shari Lawrence
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Hi @shari-lawrence!
Did you email our graphic designer, Lindsey, in regards to your background image??
If not, please do so! Lindsey@coredm.com
Great job fixing your headline!
Summary still needs some work.
- Your first two sentences are the most important and remember, this is a sales letter that you are leading them through. Beginning your summary saying:
“Serving Deland, Debary, Deltona, Orange City, Lake Helen, De Leon Springs, Pierson, Sanford, Fl.”
… is very impersonal.
Remove this and add it in the middle of your summary like this:
WHERE DO I SERVE: Serving Deland, Debary, Deltona, Orange City, Lake Helen, De Leon Springs, Pierson, Sanford, Fl.
WHO I WORK WITH: I work with _____, _______,____.
^ Refer to Kent’s profile- https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
- NEXT, you are asking about 7 questions in a row. I want you to ask only three pain point questions and AFTER you ask them questions, say:
“If you answered YES to those questions… you came to the right person!
WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:
I help sellers like YOU _______.
Essentially…
When YOU work with me, you can expect EXPERT advice when ________.
Sounds great right??
It is!
ETC ETC.
Shari, see how that was more exciting to read?? Copy the outline Kent has and add your own information to it. Your format and organization is what needs the most work.
Call to action:
We all want excellent service but how about:
If you are FINALLY ready to sell your home to qualified buyers… message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
You are SO close 🙂 tag me in your revision.
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@shari-lawrence, did you email Lindsey in regards to your background???
Fix:
WHAT I DO IN 20 WORDS OR LESS: Help sellers present their homes at their best and sell them quickly
for the highest possible price with less stress.To:
WHAT I DO IN 20 WORDS OR LESS:
I help SELLERS like YOU showcase their homes to qualified buyers for a maximum profit.
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After you say:
If you answered YES to any of these questions, you came to the right place!
Don’t ask another question.
In 2-4 sentences, detail HOW you can help them. Do you help them with paperwork, finding qualified buyers, staging their home? Tell them how you will help them.
Everything else looks good. PLEASE make sure you get a background image back from Lindsey —> Lindsey@coredm.com
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-lawrence/ please review
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@shari-lawrence, did you email Lindsey in regards to a background photo???
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