6 years, 3 months ago-
Posts
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Hi @negeen-dargahi @halle-eavelyn
I forgot to tag you the first time. Here is my profile for your review and comments. Thanks!!
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Hey, @tom-emmerling! Great job taking Massive Imperfect Action!
A couple of things from me – @negeen-dargahi will add hers as well, of course…
Photo!! Can we get one that’s less blurry where you are actually smiling? It would be great to have you crop in about 30% more – we want your HEAD to be around 80% of the little circle so that it shows up well in searches, where the photo is teensy!!
Original headline:
WANT MONEY NOW? LEAVE THAT STRESSFUL JOB? DO YOU DESIRE MORE FREEDOM? MESSAGE ME!
Headline update:
WANT MONEY NOW? DESIRE MORE FREEDOM? LEAVE THAT STRESSFUL JOB! MESSAGE ME!
Also, your summary’s 1st 3 lines are incredibly valuable real estate. You want to say 3 things, not 1 thing 3 ways. Then you want a CLIFFHANGER so they will click to see more (ie. your WHOLE profile).
So this is what it looks like now:
WHAT I DO IS HELP YOU FIND YOUR FREEDOM I can help YOU build a business that will give you more FREEDOM. If you have the DESIRE for more FREEDOM then let me help you. WHAT IS FREEDOM….yes it is money but more than that..the TIME to do what YOU want to do ….spend time w…
And this is what I suggest:
WHAT I DO IS HELP YOU FIND YOUR FREEDOM. I can help YOU build a home-based business that will give you more money, yes! But more than that… the TIME to do what YOU want to do… This is no MLM or Network Marketing scheme. This is a legit business opportunity that’s about to explode
Explode will not show fully, I think, based on character count. To CHECK IT, past your profile link into an incognito window, so you can see what others will see when they come to it.
PS. Tech note… ellipses are ALWAYS 3 dots in a row. ALWAYS
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Hi @tom-emmerling! Nice job taking action on your profile!
I agree 100% with Halle! You really want it to flow like a conversation like Kent has here –>
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
Halle has provided you some great tips for you to implement on your revision 🙂 tag me when you’ve completed it.
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