Profile and summary review

[Stephen DeVoe]

@negeen-dargahi @kent-littlejohn @halle-eavelyn

Hi group here is my profile and summary for review. Would you please have a look. I have spoken to Lindsey about the background Banner Photo and she is working on it now, so that will likely change a bit.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevewdevoe/

Thanks

Steve

[Halle Eavelyn]

Hi, @steve-devoe Great job taking Massive Imperfect Action!!

Please make sure you watch my BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bulls eye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order. 

There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Also, I’m not loving your background photo – can you please send the basic images to lindsey@coredm.com and let her help you make some changes? Great profile photo and headline!

[Stephen DeVoe]

@halle-eavelyn

Hi Halle Your absolutely right and in honesty I didn’t like that thing right from the beginning.

For somebody who writes a fair bit I have been really struggling with this. Maybe its the 200o characters:)

Anyway here is a another attempt and as I was writing I had whats in it for them pasted on then back of my hand!

Could you please have another look at this one.

Thanks

Steve

I can Help YOU ✸Maximize the Value of your Real Estate, Owned or Leased✸ Be Ruthlessly Efficient in Maximizing Usage, Lowering Expenses, Raising Profit, and Ultimately Increasing ROI✸STRESS Free

In 4 words here’s how it will work for YOU:

✸VIRTUAL VP REAL ESTATE✸ Essentially Outsourcing your Real Estate Needs

Here’s Some of What My Clients Were Asking:

• Are my premises the right size, too much, too little?
• Usable, Rentable, Gross, Net, Load Factor, Additional rent, am I actually paying the right amount?
• How can I better utilize what I have?
• How do I plan for growth or contraction?
• What’s hidden in my lease that could cost me?
• Should I own, lease, renew, relocate, buy or sell?

Problem is; YOU have to RUN a Business, how can you possibly gain the expertise let alone spend time and effort to address all these real and potentially COSTLY factors.

The answer is you CAN”T … so LET US HELP YOU shoulder the load.

As a trusted member for your business team

We’ll provide YOU with:

• 35 years and over 1000 transactions worth of experience
• Abstracts, audits, monitoring of expenses, critical dates, and key clauses
• Proactive planning & regular reporting
• Direct landlord interface
• Access to our full transaction team including lawyers, accountants, designers and contractors

REALITY CHECK:

• 10, 20 even 30% of a company’s operating budget can be attributed to occupancy costs.
• Few owners / executives are spend even 10% of their time on Real Estate issues
• Most leases end up in a drawer immediately after signing never viewed again

My model is based on ongoing service (helping others first) NOT transaction driven, and I am 100% CONFIDENT it will HELP YOU deal with your real estate demands while saving, time, effort, money and stress.

If you want to be RUTHLESSLY EFFICIENT, DRIVE money to the bottom-line, get IN FRONT of your future requirements while removing the STRESS of Work Load and Uncertainty.

THEN WE SHOULD WORK TOGETHER ✸MSG here or call me at 416-666-1355

[n d]

Hi @steve-devoe! Nice job improving! Below is my feedback:

It’s easier to put this in your LinkedIn first and then share a link so you can see if the content you write fits. For instance, you have too much text in your headline for it to fit.

Headline:

I like where you’re going with this but again, it’s a bit long.

How about filling this out instead!

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

Instead of diving right into “In 4 words here’s how it will work for YOU” I want to know what it is you do.

Try beginning like Kent does https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/ :

WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:

“I help YOU ____________.” (write out in a short sentence what you do exactly)

Essentially…

You will get _________.

And

________________.

YES. You read that right!

*****

^ I want you to write a sales letter (similar to a conversation) …when you are writing out 6 questions clients have, people won’t finish reading.

Refer to Kent’s outline and copy his format!

I like the “we’ll provide you” and the “reality check”

Can you shorten your call to action?? How about:

If you are READY to lower your STRESS and EXPENSES while driving money to the bottom-line…

Give me a call TODAY at ______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

@halle-eavelyn thoughts??

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