Please Review Revised Profile

[Kammy Thurman]

Hey Negeen, a one … a more … a time! http://kammythurman.com/

Thanks! 😉

[n d]

Hi @kammy-thurman, looks like you sent me your website, can you send me a link to your profile please? 🙂

 

[Kammy Thurman]

Oops, here you go! https://www.linkedin.com/in/kammythurman/

 

[Anonymous]

Hi @kammy-thurman!

GREAT job on those revisions! There are only a few things I want you to tweak:

Where you say, “If you nodded your head to any of these, WE SHOULD TALK.” It’s cute but too specific. Change it to “If you can relate then we should talk”,,, or something like that, that is not as specific.

Take out “WHO I WORK WITH entrepreneurs and small business owners” and instead start with this as the beginning of that paragraph:

“Over the last 20 years, I’ve worked with 100 clients in a over a dozen industries. Here are a few results:”

Note I’ve changed “a dozen or so” to “over a dozen” this sounds better and more confident.

Your call to action, “DROP ME A MESSAGE. Let’s chat. ”makes it sound too much like you NEED their business. You want to position yourself as the benevolent alpha, by saying:

✉ DROP ME A MESSAGE and lets see if we’re the right fit to work together

Stating it this way tells them that you are busy and successful so you do not work with just anyone.

 

Overall You have done an AMAZING job with your profile! Keep up the GREAT work!

 

cc: @negeen-dargahi

[Author]

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