6 years, 2 months ago-
Posts
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Hi @stephen-harden! Nice job taking action on your profile, below is my feedback!
Nice profile photo!
Also, I’m not loving your background photo – can you please email our graphic designer and tell her about your business? She can create a really nice background for you!
Headline:
I like your headline!! I touched it up a bit for you:
Want To IMPROVE Patient Safety WITHOUT Lowering Costs?☆ Helping Organizations With GUARANTEED Results ☆☞Message Me!
Summary:
Stephen, you’ve got some really great content, it just needs to be better organized!!
How about doing this. I want you to copy Kent’s profile entirely and insert your own information in there, that way it is well organized AND extremely powerful!! Okay??
–> https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
Dont forget to add his call to action as well at the end!
Tag me in your revision!!
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Here is the revision. https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephenharden/
See what you think.
Your shortened headline doesn’t really work for healthcare. I shortened it, but not exactly like yours.
I changed the background graphic.
Thanks for your help.
Steve
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Hi @stephen-harden!
Yes, I created your headline based on the information you provided in your summary and what would make someone want to ‘read more’, essentially.
How about this:
Want To STOP Patient Harm AND Improve Quality WITHOUT Wasting Money?☆Helping Clients Get Guaranteed Results! Message Me!
Summary:
This looks so much better!
Your paragraphs are VERY chunky still and really complex… Consider breaking them down into a conversation like:
“Essentially…
We HELP and COACH healthcare leaders through fixing their “unfixable” patient harm & quality problems.
Basically…
This means problems related to toxic culture, poor teamwork, ineffective communications, and failure to follow processes of care.
Best part?
We’ll help you recapture the JOY of being in healthcare by showing YOU how to produce sustainable, documented improvement in your patient care.”
When you get to the “WHO I WORK WITH” part, that’s a massive chunk. Consider condensing and putting “and many more” so people don’t get bored and stop reading.
When you write “WANT AN EXAMPLE” <—- make that it’s own sentence and break up that paragraph.
Add spaces and breaks where the paragraphs get too chunky.
Great work overall!
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