5 years, 12 months ago-
Posts
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@Hi @danny-fernandez! Nice job taking ACTION on your profile! Below is my feedback:
Your background photo needs work. It’s not very inviting. I want you to email our graphic designer and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better.
Lindsey@coredm.comHeadline (words under your name) — this needs work, there are a few typos and gramatical errors. Please make sure to proof read everything you write. To keep your headline simple but POWERFUL, fill this out and add it to that location:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
Here are a couple excellent LinkedIn profile examples:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/
Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II” videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with abullseyee) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.
There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!
Refer to the examples and copy the format and outline they have!
Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important. How about you list 3 questions your clients struggle with. What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?”
THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
2 sentences how are you different than your competitors
Who you like to work with
Call to action:
“If you’re looking for a dedicated professional like myself to make the purchasing and building process a breeze, then please call or text 239-537-3349 to find out in what capacity I can help you!”
This is too long and sounds like you’re begging for their business. Remember you want to position yourself as the ALPHA who doesn’t just work with anyone.
Use this format instead:
If you’re wanting _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______to see if we’re a good fit!
TAG me in your revision!!
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Hi, Amanda
This is my new version after I change my summary according to your suggestions.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/danny-fernandez/
Thank you for your advice! 🙂
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@Hi @danny-fernandez! It’s nice to see you back!
This is definitely an improvement! There are still a few grammatical errors like here:
“… LUXURIOUS finishes that is still in an AFFORDABLE…” Change “is” to “are”.
Also, this sentence needs to be re-worded:
“You are able to choose your new home between varieties of floor plans that suit your particular needs”
Let’s try:
You will be able to choose from a huge selection of floor plans that will suit your particular needs!
Lastly, and this is a big one, I want you to get rid of “I” as much as possible. Which may mean re-wording sentences. Did you watch Halle’s video that I recommended last time? If not, go watch her videos titled BENEFITS MARKETING 1&2 in the Transformational Business Strategy module.
Overall GREAT improvement!
TAG ME IN YOUR REVISION.
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Hi, I just finished doing the changes you suggested to me. Here is my new version. I really appreciate your comments. Thank You 🙂
WHAT I DO FOR YOU IN ONLY A FEW QUICK WORDS!
I deliver to you quality SPACIOUS homes with LUXURIOUS finishes that are still in an AFFORDABLE price range in South West Florida.
Which Means…
You will be able to choose from a huge selection of floor plans that will suit your particular needs!!!
and
I eliminate the internal conflict most homebuyer’s face of having to compromise their wants in order to fit their needs.
Our homes exceed the expectations of even the pickiest customers, by giving the highest quality craftsmanship alongside incredibly affordable prices with spacious designs and beautiful material selections.
WHO DO I WORK WITH?
Individuals, Families, Retirees, Investors, Realtors, Loan Officers, Land Acquisition.
Want an example?
One of my clients liked one of our spec homes for our quality standards and competitive price, but that property was already under contract. So, I helped him throughout the whole process of finding the right lot that would fulfill all of his wants and needs, helped him put the offer in and get it under contract and close on it, and then I built him the right house.
HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE?
Because we run the extra mile, placing our available resources to help our customers. That’s the beauty of working with me. I KNOW the area and have lived here for over 20 years. Besides being a builder I am a realtor, and really I have all the knowledge to take all the hard work and make it easy for you!
Sounds great, right?
If you want to make the purchasing and building process a breeze, then SHOOT ME A MESSAGE or call me TODAY at 239-537-3349 to see if we’re a good fit!
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@@danny-fernandez GREAT job! That looks much better!
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