Please review my linkedin bio-Sharyn Winick

[Sharyn Winick]

@negeen-dargahi

Hi Negeen,

I contacted you about a week ago regarding the rewrite of my bio. Have you not gotten to read it yet.

I have to get new photos but I’d like to you take a look at my new bio on Linken

Sharyn Winick

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[n d]

Hi @sharyn-winick, I believe I responded but taking a look now you have a good start on your bio but it’s still way too focused on you and not enough on them. Remember, this is a sales letter and not a resume of your experience.

Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with removing those bullet points at the end and focusing on a powerful sales letter.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

 

^ that will save you a lot of time!!

Call to action at the end:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions!

 

[Steven Rath]

Hi Sharyn,

I took a look at your bio, as a customer might and these were my thoughts (hopefully helpful):

The first thing is that it needs a lot more white space and breaks between thoughts. It appears now as a block of words, that looks hard to read and so I would immediately not read it.

All of the “work experience” can be condensed into one thought such as “my experience at NY Tel Co, The Fed – IRS, Fundraising, and various fund-raising projects have ingrained in me the negotiation, project management and people skills needed to bring you the highest quality Real Estate Experience, Maximize your profits, anticipate all situations that may arise, and most of all…..get you Results You Can Count On!

These are my words so use your own but something like that. Could be shortened also.

Then think of a couple more things that a seller or buyer absolutely wants and briefly explain how you’ll give that thing to them.

WIIFT the heck out of it: What’s In It For Them.

Good Luch and good fortune to you,

Steve

 

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