please review infomercial

[anna mari Losito]

<p class=”p1″>Are you feeling anxious, stressed out or uneasy about a particular real estate situation?</p>
<p class=”p1″>Are you an attorney or personal representative for heirs who need to sell an estate or inherited home?</p>
<p class=”p1″>Perhaps you are experiencing a life transition like a divorce, or death, expanding your family, downsizing, upsizing, retirement, job relocation to Palm Beach County?</p>
<p class=”p1″>You name it – I can help.</p>
<p class=”p1″>Hi, I’m Anna Marie Losito and I’m not your average agent!  In addition to being a Florida licensed realtor, I am also a licensed psychotherapist.  Which means that I am expertly trained to help you, your family &/or your clients with any special real estate transaction.</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you want expert advice and a stress-free transaction, then call to schedule a private, complimentary telephone consultation today to chat about the best ways for me to help you:  561-662-5400</p>

[Halle Eavelyn]

GREAT JOB, @anna-losito!!

Here are my suggestions:

CHANGE: Hi, I’m Anna Marie Losito and I’m not your average agent!  In addition to being a Florida licensed realtor, I am also a licensed psychotherapist.  

TO: Hi, I’m Anna Marie Losito and in addition to being a Florida licensed realtor, I am also a licensed psychotherapist.  

Because I don’t want to know what you are NOT!!  Let’s not use YOUR NAME and the word AVERAGE in the same sentence!

Also, I would like your call to action to be MUCH stronger.  So let’s alter this:  to chat about the best ways for me to help you: 

to: to see if you qualify for my expert service!

 

[Author]

Posts