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Posts
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Please give feedback for linkedin profile
https://www.linkedin.com/in/bob-de-yoe-88b057163/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/janice-wong-63a1737/
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Please review our profile & feedback
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Hi @bob-deyoe, below is your profile feedback. Below this post is Janice’s feedback.
Nice job taking action on your profile. Few things:
Can you take a better profile photo? One that isn’t dark and grainy? I’d like you to take one near a light source, like a window with a camera. This way it looks professional.
You also NEED a background photo.
If you email our graphic designer and tell her about your field of business, she can create one for you! Also, ask her to add a white background to your profile photo.
Headline:
I like where you’re going with this but your current headline is a bit loud. Try this:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
Can you remove all caps on your second sentence? It made it very hard to read –>
“I Can Help YOU DESIGN A GOLDEN HANDCUFF program for your key EMPLOYEES, without COSTING YOU A DIME!”
This sentence is re-written because I didn’t like the run on sentence (which you have a few of):
“You will be ASSISTED in planning a company-sponsored retirement program for your employees with a SPECIALIZED strategy!”
Yes. You read that right!
Fully customized.”
Please fix this sentence so it doesn’t sound like a run on:
“thereby, eliminate your STRESS of not being able to SLEEP at NIGHT thinking about losing your key employees.”
Also, I personally don’t understand the “golden handcuff” comment. Is that universally understood? If not everyone would know what it means, please consider breaking it down a bit more for people so they have a better understanding of what you do.
GREAT work 🙂
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@janice-wong @bob-deyoe Hi Janice, nice job taking action on your profile! Below is my feedback:
Love your profile photo! Can you email Lindsey and have her add a white background for you? You also, as you know, need a background photo. Email Lindsey, tell her about your business, and she will create one for you.
Headline:
I like where you’re going with this but your current headline is a bit loud. Try this:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
I re-wrote this passage for you because it was WAY too crammed.
—
”
YOU will have full assistance when planning for your retirement!
With a specialized strategy, stop losing sleep worrying about not being able to retire because you have not accumulated enough money!
Yes. You read that right!
Don’t let your income decide if you’re ready for retirement!! I know exactly how to help you.
WHO I WORK WITH:
Etc etc.”
Everything else looks GREAT! Nice work 🙂
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