5 years, 11 months ago-
Posts
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@halle-eavelyn @negeen-dargahi @kent-littlejohn
Halle, thank you for giving me permission to re-write my ‘perfect client’ piece. I feel more at peace with this and I believe I have removed the conflict that has been blocking me. I had been feeling like I was at war with myself and I actually felt my shoulders fall in relaxation this afternoon after writing this.
All, please critique and let me know if there are any recommended modifications that you believe would make this flow better.
**NOTE: the 2nd upload (with word count) is the file that fits into the LinkedIn profile … please comment on this one.
Thank you for your time and your comments
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Hi @nancy-anderson, I’m so happy you are more excited about targeting buyers! I can hear it in your sales letter! Below is my feedback:
I’m leaning towards the first draft but both really need work. First and foremost, there are a lot of “i”s in both of your sales letters.
If you haven’t already, please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.
There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!
This sentence needs restructuring:
“I deliver QUALIFIED home buyers EXCITED to relocate within Houston’s Greater Bay Area…in a time frame fitting your schedule.”
To:
“I help EXCITED home buyers like YOU who are READY to relocate within Houston’s Greater Bay Area.”
Essentially…
Remove the common STRESS out of the home purchase and how about we add in some fun and excitement to the process!
Sounds great right?
What’s better is, we accentuate a neighborhood’s UNIQUE nuances while providing an understanding of ALL that this great area has to offer…including schools, entertainment, and social necessities.
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There is room to shorten it down to meet the 2000 character limit LI provides.
For your revision, please paste it in your summary and then send over the link so I can take a better look at the full revision 🙂
You are so close!!
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@negeen-dargahi @halle-eavelyn @kent-littlejohn
Negeen, thank you for the starter help … I believe this is better than the last. What tweaking is still needed?
WHAT I DO IN 17 WORDS OR LESS
“I help EXCITED home buyers like YOU who are READY to relocate within Houston’s Greater Bay Area.”
Essentially…
Remove the common STRESS out of the home purchase and how about we add in some fun and excitement to the process!
Sounds great right?
What’s better is, we accentuate a neighborhood’s UNIQUE nuances while providing an understanding of ALL that this great area has to offer…including schools, entertainment, and social necessities.
WHO DO I WORK WITH? Individuals, Relocation Specialists, HR Managers and even current homeowners wanting to sell and get the word out to Home Buyers!
Introducing families to the BENEFITS of living in Houston’s Bay Area and helping YOU understand the market as well as the idiosyncrasies of local neighborhoods is what we do best.
EXAMPLE
Recently a recruiter for a local engineering firm was looking to hire a systems analyst for work at NASA. I met with the family, showed them local neighborhoods, pointed out area amenities and sold them on the community as a place they would love to plant their roots! Home Sold – Position Filled.
That’s the beauty of working with me. HR specialists and top executives are recruiting top talent because the FAMILY is falling in love with the area and seeing this as a place they want to live.
What I do so different from most Realtors is I LISTEN…to what’s Most Important to YOU. Understanding both needs and desires then acting to deliver results makes a STRESS-FREE transaction and is ENJOYABLE for all.
Whether you’re looking to hire top talent or you’re selling your home; YOU understand that having the family support and excitement about moving is paramount to REACHING YOUR GOALS.
Ready to MAKE A MOVE? Let me help
Shoot me a message and let’s chat or simply phone (281) 532-6600 Today!
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Oooh, @nancy-anderson, you did an AWESOME JOB!! You nailed it! 🙂
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