Nice job taking massive imperfect action on your profile! Below is my feedback:
Great profile photo! Can you send it to our graphic designer, Lindsey, and have her add a white background for you?
You also need a background photo. When you email Lindsey, tell her a little about your field of business and she will create a background graphic for you to display.
Your current headline is on the right path! I’d like it to be better organized. Just fill in the blanks and copy and paste into the headline slot.
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
I like where you’re going with the information you provided but it’s way too many “this is what we do” and less “here’s EXACTLY how I can help YOU” — let’s add some personality to your sales letter.
How about this…
I’d like you to copy Kent’s profile and add in your OWN information to it. The reason:
I love the way Kent leads his readers through his points and I feel your profile can greatly benefit by this. Notice the format, how he tells his reader who he works with, what he does, etc.
If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me in your revision 🙂
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