My hero story is ready for feedback :-)

[Laura Barker]

Hopefully, 3rd time is a charm!

@halle-eavelyn  @negeen-dargahi  @kent-littlejohn @wilson-smith @anthony-simonie

I just put my Hero Story link on a post here and clicked submit but it just disappeared. Twice. So, I am trying to attach it this time.

Halle – I really appreciate your willingness to review – So, here it is – It is finally ready for feedback!

 

[Laura Barker]

@halle-eavelyn @kent-littlejohn  @negeen-dargahi @anthony-simonie @wilson-smith

 

maybe this will work 🙂

Hero-Story

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[Halle Eavelyn]

Downloaded and reading today, @laura-barker – ping me tomorrow if I haven’t posted the comments, ok?  GREAT JOB completing your story!!!

[Laura Barker]

@halle-eavelyn Hello! just wondering if you have had a chance to take a look at my hero story?

thanks!

[Halle Eavelyn]

Honey, at first glance it looks marvelous.  Trying to carve out the time to really dig in!! Have you sent it out to peers for comment yet???

[Laura Barker]

@halle-eavelyn Yes! and I am getting phenomenal feedback! I’m working now on how to divide it into 3 installments.  I know you are super busy so if you don’t have time to really dig in, I totally understand.  Any feedback you give is priceless!

Thanks!

Laura

[Halle Eavelyn]

FINALLY!!!!

@laura-barker, OMG, you made me cry – more than once!! This is AMAZING!!! I (of COURSE) knew nothing of this the first time I coached you. Your shift after that call is even MORE profound to me!!!  I am beyond proud to know you and to know the marvel that YOU are on this planet, Laura – WOW, are we lucky to have you as a part of this program!!!!!

LOVE THIS!!!

General:

I think this can be 3 parts, not more – but I can’t tell where the breaks are.  IMHO, you want to have a CLIFFHANGER ending to each part – what can you say at the end to make them want to read the next part??? Add a sentence or two to leave them in the middle of a story – or to tantalize them with what is to come.

Get this proofread!! LOTS of grammar and punctuation typos – use Fiverr if you don’t know someone.

Specifics:

TENACITY and CHANGE (more on that later)

Sounds like you are saying more on both later, so change it to this formatting:

TENACITY…

And

CHANGE (more on that later)

Make sense??

 

which, in turn, allowed me to SURVIVE my disease!

Change this to:

which, in turn, allowed ME to survive my disease!

 

I’d tell the WHOLE story about Paris.  That bathtub STILL stays with me.  And you CAN talk about your recent overnight healing as well – the one you alluded to on the call Tuesday. I really feel like if you’ve opened your kimono this far, it’s ok.  You’re already a medical miracle, why not give them the emotional satisfaction of your miracles to go along with it??  And you already talk about God throughout, so you’re not going to surprise people THAT much.

WOW, I can’t wait to see what happens with you next!!!!  AND WOW, I remember how SAD and WORRIED you felt when we first spoke – you’re like a different person!!!!

And CONGRATS on having the best Hero Story I personally have ever read!! I think it’s as good as Kent’s!! WOOHOO!!!

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Halle Eavelyn.

[Laura Barker]

@halle thank you so much for taking the time to read my HS. Your comments really mean the world to me!  I will incorporate your suggestions, get it proofed and publish it!  Thank you!!

 

[HECProgram Admin]

I thought I commented on this, but apparently not.  @laura-barker your story is nothing short of inspirational and it really makes me appreciate your positive enthusiasm so much more.  I’m so happy you’re with us.

 

[Laura Barker]

@wilson-smith awww….thanks! I did not have a clue what was available to me by joining HECP!  I am so grateful to you for helping me see the potential of the program and how it could work FOR MY BUSINESS! Writing my hero story was painful but so worth it! I’m about ready  to post it – just waiting to get it back from the proofreader.

It will be interesting to see what kind of response, if any, comes from the post.  Will you be at the summit?

[HECProgram Admin]

@laura-barker I most certainly will be there!  I’m very excited to finally meet you in person!  Most greatness is just on the other side of pain and discomfort and I really appreciate you always pushing through 😀

[Lupe Lloyd]

Hi Hallie,

Attached is my Hero Story.  I hope it works.  Your feedback will be welcomed dearly.

Thank you,

Lupe Lloyd

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[Lupe Lloyd]

Hi Hallie,

I decided to add some pictures to my hero story.  What do you think?

Lupe

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[n d]

Hi @lupe-lloyd, nice job taking action! Please make a NEW post so we can get to it faster!

[Laura Barker]

@lupe-lloyd WOW! What an inspiring story! and I love the pictures! nice touch

[Lupe Lloyd]

Thank you Laura.  How are things with you?  You are quite inspiring yourself.

 

Lupe

[Author]

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