6 years, 1 month ago-
Posts
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Hi there! I am submitting my LinkedIn profile for review and welcome all your suggestions!
https://www.linkedin.com/in/leamonbusinessservices/
Thanks so much,
Yolanda Leamon, EA
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Hi @yolanda-leamon! Please make sure you make a NEW post next time so we can get to it faster. I moved this one for you as a new post. Below is my feedback:
Nice job taking action on your profile!
Great profile photo! Can you send it to our graphic designer, Lindsey, and have her add a white background for you?
You also don’t have a background photo and you need one! She can also help create one for you. Just email her and tell her about your business and she will create that.
Headline:
This needs some work. Please fill this template out and copy and paste into that spot:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
You’ve got some really useful information in there! The paragraphs are pretty chunky making it hard to want to read what you have to say.
There also needs to be better organization, as far as content goes.
I want you to look at Kent’s Profile and copy his entire outline and fill in YOUR companies information —–> https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
I find that his outline will be really helpful for you to target and speak to your perfect client effectively.
You also need a call to action. Please fill this out:
If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me in your revision 🙂
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Nageen: Thank you so much for your feedback.
How about this for the headline? : Want accounting help without the hassles? *Expert accountants give you the numbers you need in your business. MSG Me!
I think it needs more pizzaz somehow.
I will work on the body and send you my ideas after I look at Kent’s profile and mull it over a bit. I agree that it is a bit “chuncky” as you say and says too much about how I am going to do “it” than why.
I sent the picture to Lindsey and the request for a background.
On to the races! I want 4 new clients by the next two weeks. Do you think I can do it? Yup it can be done~~
Regards,
Yolanda
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Hi @yolanda-leamon,
It’s best to actually insert your revisions in your profile and THEN send it over so I can actually see it in action.
As far as your headline, I agree. Give me 1 more option to play around with.
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ok
Here is the current profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leamonbusinessservices/
The current Headline: Want accounting help with out the hassles? *Expert accountants give you the numbers you need in your business. MSG Me!
Another option: Is your business a Cash-Eating Monster? Expert accountants transform your business into a Money-Making Machine. MSG Me!
Another Option: Is your business a Cash-Eating Monster? I can transform your business into a Money-Making Machine. MSG Me!
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Hi @yolanda – so much better. I chose the one I liked best and fluffed it up for you.
Is Your Business A Cash-Eating Monster?☆I Can Transform YOUR Business Into A MONEY-MAKING Machine!☆☞MSG Me!
Also please make sure to implement the feedback I provided for the rest of your profile 🙂
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I really like what you did with that headline!! Super. I have loaded it into my profile already.
I totally reworked the body of the profile but did not post it because it is so different – I wanted your insights into it and tweaking!
I have posted it below
Thanks!
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How about this for a total workover of the profit (Thank you Kent!)
WHAT I DO IN 14 WORDS OR LESS
“I Can Help YOU Gain Control of the Finances in Your Business”
Essentially…
I eliminate your STRESS of coping with your Cash-Eating Machine that is your business
and
I help you TRANSFORM your business into a Money-Making Machines
WHO DO I WORK WITH? Small business owners anywhere in the United States with revenues of $2-5 million per year
Want an example?
I took a company completely buried in debt and, using the special techniques that we have developed, got them completely out of debt and now they are operating comfortably and looking to a much better future.
Another example:
A company that gave us a complete mess of books for 2 years and no idea where they were financially and had not saved ANYTHING for income taxes were moved to a Money-Making Machine. Now they are actually kind of looking forward to tax season!
I know what you are thinking…
Well, Yolanda, how much is this going to cost me?
How about this answer?
At the end of the day – ZERO
$0
NADA…ZIPPO
This is what our clients say about our work: Absolutely life-changing! We love what you have done with us! Etc Etc.
What we do is a world above what you have seen before.
This is adding a brand new way of getting control over your financial world.
This is NOT a plea for MORE business.
This is ME helping you gain COMPLETE control of your freedom and growth.
If you want to change your business from a Cash-Eating Monster to a Money-Making Machine, we should work together.
SHOOT ME A MESSAGE and let’s chat!
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Corrected version:
How about this for a total workover of the body of the profile (Thank you Kent!)!
WHAT I DO IN 14 WORDS OR LESS
“I Can Help YOU Gain Control of the Finances in Your Business”
Essentially…
I eliminate your STRESS of coping with your Cash-Eating Machine that is your business
and
I help you TRANSFORM your business into a Money-Making Machines
WHO DO I WORK WITH? Small business owners anywhere in the United States with revenues of $2-5 million per year
Want an example?
I took a company completely buried in debt and, using the special techniques that we have developed, got them completely out of debt and now they are operating comfortably and looking to a much better future.
Another example:
A company that gave us a complete mess of books for 2 years and no idea where they were financially and had not saved ANYTHING for income taxes were moved to a Money-Making Machine. Now they are actually kind of looking forward to tax season!
I know what you are thinking…
Well, Yolanda, how much is this going to cost me?
How about this answer?
At the end of the day – ZERO
$0
NADA…ZIPPO
This is what our clients say about our work: Absolutely life-changing! We love what you have done with us! Etc Etc.
What we do is a world above what you have seen before.
This is adding a brand new way of getting control over your financial world.
This is NOT a plea for MORE business.
This is ME helping you gain COMPLETE control of your freedom and growth.
If you want to change your business from a Cash-Eating Monster to a Money-Making Machine, we should work together.
SHOOT ME A MESSAGE and let’s chat!
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Hi @yolanda-leamon! Nice job revising. Few things:
Because you already say “cash eating business” in your headline, lets make this paragraph a little bit less complex —
I eliminate your STRESS of coping with your Cash-Eating Machine that is your business
INSTEAD:
I eliminate the STRESS of your business taking MORE and MORE of your hard earned money
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I fixed the paragraph below. It didn’t flow well.
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Want an example?
I worked with a company that was completely BURIED in DEBT. By using the special techniques that we have developed… we got them completely OUT of debt! Now they are operating comfortably and looking to grow!
Yep. No lie!
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PLEASE remove your 2nd example. It’s not a good one. Just have 1 example ^
Take out “etc etc”
Please apply these changes and insert this into your actual LI profile.
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Done! I am waiting for the video to upload so that I can upload the body of the profile!
I appreciate your quick responses to my work. It is so rewarding!
Thanks so much!
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