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I like the headline, could be a little more robust, but I like its tone and simplicity.
The about me section could use a lot more content. Like what do you do to make them feel that it’s all taken care of, your in control of making it work and making them happy. Here’s what I do, sort of thing.
Hope it helps,
Steve
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Hi @john-sweeney, thank you for submitting your profile for review! Below are my comments for revision:
Your profile photo looks great!
You also need a banner image (background photo) — I’d also like you to email Lindsey, our graphic designer, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better!
Headline:
John, there’s far too much “perfect home” “dream home” being mentioned. How about this below:
READY To Find A Home That Meets All of Your Needs?☆ EXPERT Realtor Helping Clients Find The Perfect Home ☆ ☞ Message Me!
About Section:
I agree with Steven’s comment, above. Please go back through the lesson, as this is a sales letter and needs a bit more information to convey properly what you do, who you work with, and why clients should work with you.
Here is an example of a Realtor’s profile:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/elois-fuller-9b033723/
Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with adding content and focusing on a powerful sales letter.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
Call to action at the very end:
If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions!
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