6 years ago-
Posts
-
-
Hi Nageen and Halle!
Please review my profile and provide feedback!
linkedin.com/in/bre-zientarski
Thanks in advance,
Bre
@halle-eavelyn, @negeen-dargahi
-
@Hi @bre-zientarski! Nice job taking ACTION on your profile! Below is my feedback:
Your profile picture looks great! However, you still need a background photo. I want you to email our graphic designer Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business so she can create something for you.
Lindsey@coredm.comHeadline (words under your name) — Your headline is okay but could be much better. Take out the fire emojis, it makes it a little confusing when you say: “..steady long-term cash flow in a 🔥SAFE AND SECURE investment?” The emoji makes me want to read it as “long-term cash flow in a fire?..burning?..??” See what I mean?
To keep your headline simple but POWERFUL, fill this out and add it to that location:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
You have some great information here but you need a little more and organized differently.
Here are a couple excellent LinkedIn profile examples:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/
The first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important. How about you list 3 questions your clients struggle with. What are their pain points? You actually put some in your headline. Add them here instead! “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?”
THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
Next, add 2 sentences on how you are different than your competitors
Then, you can add the brief testimonials. Just make sure you say this first: “These are just a few words we hear often from our investor partners!” And then add what they said. The other way around can be confusing.
Next, mention who you like to work with!
Call to action:
Yours looks great!
Tag me in your revision!
-
Hi!Thank you for your feedback on my LinkedIn profile.I made some changes and updates according to your feedback. I found the summary section to be limiting in the amount of characters!Please look it over and let me know what you think!ThanksBre
-
-
@Hi, @bre-zientarski Great job with those revisions! Below is my feedback
Your new background photo looks great!!
Headline:
Much better!
Summary:
“Do you not have the stomach to ride the waves of the volatile market swings?
Are you less than thrilled with your return in your CDs, money market accounts, 401(k)?
Are you looking to alternatives as a way to diversify from the stock market or stay away completely?”This is way too wordy and does not flow well. Try this:
“Don’t have the stomach to invest in volatile market swings?”
“Are you disappointed with your current returns?”
“Are you looking for alternatives to the stock market?”
Do those capture the pain points you were trying to hit on? If so I suggest using those in that format (spacing between lines).
Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II” videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.
There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!
You do not need A TON of information to get people interested in messaging you. It actually works to your detriment! People want to read profiles quickly and easily which is why we recommend spacing the lines.
For example, this paragraph is not needed (and it’s filled with grammatical errors which makes it hard to read):
“Real estate (RE) is considered by many the gold standard, is tangible, usable, & can provide a steady income. I have had my share of rentals & the late night calls from the tenants, & high costs of maintenance and repairs that cut into your profit that come with. If you don’t want a second full time job, you would need to hire a property manager (PM). Sadly the PM model is adverse to landlord/property owner & costs way more.”
Everything after that is so much better! Much easier to read through and it flows well! Make sure you add quotation marks to your testimonials.
Call To Action:
“If you want to learn more about how to partner with us to place your money in safe, secure system to build equity & supply consistent cash flow in the safest asset class with high rates of return & tax benefits, we should work together!
SHOOT ME A MESSAGE and let’s talk!”Again too wordy. Try this:
Do you want more info on how to BUILD equity while supplying CONSISTENT CASH FLOW in a SAFE & SECURE system with high rates of RETURNS & BENEFITS?
If so, SHOOT ME A MESSAGE, and let’s see if we’re a good fit to work together!
You’re so close! Keep up the hard work, and tag me in your revision.
-
Thanks Amanda! @amanda-hendrickson
I made the changes you suggested!
I will make it a priority to watch the videos you mentioned as well!
Here is the next version:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/bre-zientarski
-
@@bre-zientarski WOW! That looks SO MUCH BETTER!!
It flows so well now, and I actually have a better understanding of what you do from just reading your summary once! It’s also much more intriguing and inviting. Fantastic job implementing those revisions!
You are good to go!
-
Fantastic job, @bre-zientarski!! YAY!!!
-
Support Forums are being phased out. You can still view the existing Forum posts but can no longer post in them. For all Support needs, please email help@coredm.com or click the blue Question Mark icon in the lower right hand corner of your screen.