5 years, 5 months ago-
Posts
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Hi @mark-fulcher! NICE job taking action on your profile! Below is my feedback:
Background Banner: What you have is okay but not great.
I’d like you to email our graphic designer, Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better.
Headline: This could be a lot better. This is a great location to add in some good information that is right to the point. I’d like you to fill out this template instead:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
(it would look like this)
Want To SELL Your Business For TOP Dollar Without Stress?☆EXPERT Business Advisor Helping Clients In Las Vegas☆☞ MSG Me!
Summary:
Make sure not to add a space between sentences – complete a sentence before you add space under it.
Such as in this sentence that is broken up by a space:
I can and will take all the stress out of looking for,
calling to make an appointment to see the home,
negotiate the terms,
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After you say what you do in 20 words or less, I think this sentence below could do a better job of grabbing my attention.
” I can help you locate, tour, negotiate and close on the home of your dreams ”
INSTEAD:
“I help fight for YOU to have the home of your dreams.”
(you can revise that)
INSTEAD: of saying “Want a couple of example’s…”
Say: “HERE’S WHAT PAST CLIENTS HAVE SAID”
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You don’t have anything written after “Suzanne said:”
This is one long sentence. Break it up:
Because of my 25 year extensive experience I am able to communicate and support everyone involved from YOU the buyer, the loan officer, appraiser, inspector, other agent involved and the Title company to get YOUR transaction closed all with no fee paid by YOU the buyer.
Also fix the sentence below that so it’s not a run on sentence. Proof read!
“Make a great day.”
^ Do you want that to say “Make IT a great day” ??
Revise and tag me 🙂
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