6 years, 3 months ago-
Posts
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Hi @casey-moran! Nice job taking action on your profile! Below is my feedback:
Great profile photo! Very professional!
Your headline looks good and is on the right track! Because this is the best piece of real estate on your profile, let’s really make it pop! How about you fill this template out:
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
or
Want _____________? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
I love that you started your summary off with 3 pain point questions! In my opinion, they could be a bit longer and detailed. Write a touch more, like:
Are you READY to improve your organization’s overall performance?
Want ________?
Do you NEED ________?(the reason I did the above is that the last 2 questions were quite short and you really want to specify with the pain point questions)
Take a look how Kent leads his reader and organizes his point –> https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
You’ve got great content, it just needs to be better at grabbing a reader’s attention.
When you say the “Congratulations…you don’t need me.” That sentence is much longer than your call to action for someone to reach out. So, shorten that up, and make this your call to action:
If this sounds like you and if you’re wanting _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______to see if we’re a good fit!
Overall, GREAT work!
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Thanks, @negeen-dargahi! I made some adjustments…you can view at https://www.linkedin.com/in/dolifeyourway/
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@casey-moran, SO much better!
In your actual summary, make sure that words (other than the word in the beginning of a sentence) is not capitalized such as —-> “Helping You find freedom” and “.”I help You Increase Organizational Performance!”
Perhaps you could put:
“I help you INCREASE organizational performance!
Yep! You read that right!
Essentially…”
[and then you would continue with your point]
Other than that, great great job!!
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