Infomercial Review

[Carrie Paster]

Hello,

Here is my Infomercial Script.  Please provide feedback.

Are you looking to BUY a home for the FIRST time and you don’t know where to start?

 

Do you need a knowledgeable and patient Realtor who will walk you through the process step by step?

 

If you have answered yes to any of these questions and have possibly more questions, then you have come to the right place!

 

Hi, My name is Carrie Paster and I’m a Professional Real Estate Agent, also know as a Realtor!  I service the Metropolitan Detroit Area.

My background is education. I served the Metro Detroit area for about 18 years as a mathematics teacher.  I’ve always been on a mission to help educate people.  I simply transferred the desire to help educate students in the classroom to helping build community by increasing homeownership!

My goal is to help more people become homeowners!

As a first-time homebuyer, you may even qualify for programs that provide you with down payment assistance or even special loan options.  Even if you have a unique situation that has prevented you from qualifying for a home loan in the past, give me an opportunity to refer you to a loan officer who quite possibly may be able to get you qualified!

I’m dedicated to my clients.  I’ll be with you EVERY step of the way.  My goal is to continue to inspire, to educate and to encourage people throughout their journey of homeownership.

I specialize in helping 1^sttime homebuyers realize their dream of owning a home! I will stay in touch with you and send homes to you on a daily basis that match your home search.  Allow me to assist you today!

You can reach me at 734-325-3730 via text OR phone call.  You can also reach me on LinkedIn at Carrie Paster  (www.linkedin.com/in/carriepaster)

I’d like to meet with you, understand your current situation, help you get past any challenges and assist you with buying your DREAM HOME!  I look forward to speaking with you SOON!  Thank You!

[n d]

Hi @carrie-paster!! You did a really nice job with your infomercial. Below is my feedback:

I really like your pain point questions – super powerful.

I want you to have 3 pain point questions total.

Change: “If you have answered yes to any of these questions and have possibly more questions, then you have come to the right place!”

To:
If you answered yes to any of these questions… then you have come to the RIGHT place!

Right now, your infomercial is a bit too wordy and has a lot of “i” and less “you”. Let’s bring back the focus on them with a short, sweet, and powerful message.

After you ask your pain point questions:

If you answered ‘YES’ to those questions, you came to the right place!

Hi, I’m _______ and I am a ____________ helping clients with _________.

(2-5 sentences saying HOW exactly you plan to help / how you serve your clients)

(you can add 1-2 more sentences about why they should work with you or maybe a motivating 1 liner to get them excited)

If you want _______________ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit.

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