Info commercial to review so I can post

[Dean Gary]

Thoughts?
<p class=”p1″>“Do you want a guarantee that you will find the home you want versus wasting time looking at homes that don’t meet your needs? I guarantee that if you do not like your home in 12 months I will buy it back or sell it for FREE*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>“Would your you agent to be confident enough in their negotiation skills for you? If I don’t get at least $5,000 off your next homes price I will pay you*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>How would you like me to cover your first months payment for you just for using my Team? I understand that this is a big investment so to help I will pay your first months payment*! no cost or gimmicks! Message me for details and any questions I may help you with</p>
<p class=”p1″>*some details and restrictions apply</p>

[n d]

Hi @dean-gary! Nice job taking action on your infomercial!!

Few things:

I like that you’re asking pain point questions, but they need to be cleaned up. The first one is a bit long and doesn’t flow – the other two are okay.

I’d love for you to re-organize your infomercial by filling out this template.

This will really help get your message across in a powerful way.

Are you WANTING _________?
Do you NEED __________?

Want __________?

(after you ask 3 questions)

If you answered ‘YES’ to those questions, you came to the right place!

Hi, I’m _______ and I am a ____________ helping clients _________.

(2-5 sentences saying HOW exactly you plan to help / how you serve your clients)

(you can add 1-2 more sentences about why they should work with you or maybe a motivating 1 liner to get them excited)

If you want _______________ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit.

TAG ME IN YOUR REVISION 🙂

[Dean Gary]

@negeen-dargahi

 

hows this

 
<p class=”p1″>     Do you need your you agent to be confident enough in their negotiation skills? If I don’t get at least $5,000 off your next homes price I will pay you*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>How would you like me to cover your first months payment for you just for using my Team? I understand that this is a big investment I will help you by covering first months payment*! no cost or gimmicks! Message me for detail!</p>
<p class=”p1″>Hi I am Dean Gary and I am a Realtor Helping Clients get the best price for a home!</p>
<p class=”p1″>My team and I are experts at finding the right home for you at a price acceptable to you! We take your criteria and show you homes that meet your needs. You will receive a list of home that meet exactly your criteria by every agent, homes that are bank owned or distressed and homes that aren’t available to anyone but you before they hit the market!</p>
<p class=”p1″>Satisfaction guaranteed! I guarantee that if you do not like your home in 12 months I will buy it back or sell it for FREE*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you want the best price and guarantees in the business then message me here on Linkedin to see if we are a good fit</p>
<p class=”p1″>*some details and restrictions apply</p>

[n d]

Hi @dean-gary, good work!! There are still some things you need to fix.

You are asking people to message you in the first few sentences of your infomercial, that is not where you say your call to action.

Remember, ask 3 PAIN POINT questions and THEN grab them with how you help. I know you will pay them but that is something you can have at the very end with your call to action.

Please re-do you pain point questions.

For this sentence, add “your” instead of “a home” –>

“Hi I am Dean Gary and I am a Realtor Helping Clients like YOU get the best price for your home!”

I fixed this paragraph for you:

My team and I are EXPERTS at finding the right home for you within your price range! We take your EXACT criteria and ONLY show you homes that meet your needs PLUS you will receive a FULL list of beautiful homes before they hit the market!

When you work with me, I make sure you are in the loop during the entire process!

What’s better?

If you do not like your home in the first 12 months, I will BUY it back or sell it for FREE. Yes, you heard that right!

If you want the best price and guarantees in the business then message me here on Linkedin to see if we are a good fit!

 

[Dean Gary]

@negeen-dargahi

 

so this?

 
<p class=”p1″>Do you need your you agent to be confident enough in their negotiation skills? If I don’t get at least $5,000 off your next homes price I will pay you*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>“Hi I am Dean Gary and I am a Realtor Helping Clients like YOU get the best price when you purchase your home!”</p>
<p class=”p1″>My team and I are EXPERTS at finding the right home for you within your price range! We take your EXACT criteria and ONLY show you homes that meet your needs PLUS you will receive a FULL list of beautiful homes before they hit the market!</p>
<p class=”p1″>When you work with me, I make sure you are in the loop during the entire process!</p>
<p class=”p1″>What’s better?</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you do not like your home in the first 12 months, I will BUY it back or sell it for FREE*. Yes, you heard that right!</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you want the best price and guarantees in the business then message me here on Linkedin to see if we are a good fit!</p>
<p class=”p1″>*some details and restrictions apply</p>

[Dean Gary]

@negeen-dargahi

 

or how about this

 
<p class=”p1″>Do you need your you agent to be confident enough in their negotiation skills? If I don’t get at least $5,000 off your next homes price I will pay you*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>Would you like your first months payment covered by your Realtor?*</p>
<p class=”p1″>“Hi I am Dean Gary and I am a Realtor Helping Clients like YOU get the best price when you purchase your home!”</p>
<p class=”p1″>My team and I are EXPERTS at finding the right home for you within your price range! We take your EXACT criteria and ONLY show you homes that meet your needs PLUS you will receive a FULL list of beautiful homes before they hit the market!</p>
<p class=”p1″>When you work with me, I make sure you are in the loop during the entire process!</p>
<p class=”p1″>What’s better?</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you do not like your home in the first 12 months, I will BUY it back or sell it for FREE*. Yes, you heard that right!</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you want the best price and guarantees in the business then message me here on Linkedin to see if we are a good fit!</p>
<p class=”p1″>*some details and restrictions apply</p>

[n d]

Hi @dean-gary, so much better!! I really like the first version!

The ONLY set back I have are with your pain point questions before your introduction.

When you say:

“If I don’t get at least $5,000 off your next homes price I will pay you” — this REALLY breaks up your flow.

How about asking a pain point question like:

“Are you TIRED of not being with a realtor who KNOWS how to negotiate?”

“Do you want to find a home that’s actually in your price point??”

“Want your FIRST couple payments COVERED by your realtor?”

How do you like those?? ^^

Let me know 🙂 you are so so close. Everything else in the first draft you sent looks super!

[Dean Gary]

@negeen-dargahi

better?

 
<p class=”p1″>Want your FIRST payment COVERED by your realtor?*</p>
<p class=”p1″>“Hi I am Dean Gary and I am a Realtor Helping Clients like YOU get the best price when you purchase your home!”</p>
<p class=”p1″>My team and I are EXPERTS at finding the right home for you within your price range! We take your EXACT criteria and ONLY show you homes that meet your needs PLUS you will receive a FULL list of beautiful homes before they hit the market!</p>
<p class=”p1″>You need your you agent to be confident enough in their negotiation skills? If I don’t get at least $5,000 off your next homes price I will pay you*!</p>
<p class=”p1″>When you work with me, I make sure you are in the loop during the entire process!</p>
<p class=”p1″>What’s better?</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you do not like your home in the first 12 months, I will BUY it back or sell it for FREE*. Yes, you heard that right!</p>
<p class=”p1″>If you want the best price and guarantees in the business then message me here on Linkedin to see if we are a good fit!</p>
<p class=”p1″>*some details and restrictions apply</p>

[n d]

Hi @dean-gary, everything looks AMAZING except for your first question.

Remember, these are pain point questions and while having the first payment covered by a realtor is great… it doesn’t sound like you are empathizing with them.

You want to hook them from the first second.

Consider asking these questions:

“Are you TIRED of not being with a realtor who KNOWS how to negotiate?”

“Do you want to find a home that’s actually in your price point??”

“Want your FIRST couple payments COVERED by your realtor?”

EVERYTHING ELSE LOOKS SUPER! 🙂

[Author]

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