HERO STORY review

[Jeanette Uptain]

Please review and let me know what you think, it’s been up on my linkedin for several weeks and Facebook now.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-everything-happened-your-life-happening-you-jeanette-uptain/

[n d]

Tagging you in this @halle-eavelyn ^

Thank you, @jeanette-uptain!

[Halle Eavelyn]

YAY, @jeanette-uptain, great start! Thank you for your patience – all my notes are in the attachment, with *** so you can see where to look.

There are some big missed opportunities here that will deepen your already powerful Hero Story. Please see those notes and you’ll see what I mean.

Next steps: Make changes and review again. Hire someone on Fiverr to review. Make changes and review again. READ the Hero Story Overview Map, which is a pinned post at the top of the Hero Story Forum. It will tell you where to go from here!

Attachments:

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[Jeanette Uptain]

Hello Halle,

I must have sent 3 0r 4 different versions of my Hero Story.  I am sorry, this was the wrong one. The one I am sending now was the one I wanted you to read. I still am going to make those changes that you suggested I make.

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:linkedInArticle:6490097100926386176/

I appreciate all your help!

Sincerely,

Jeanette Uptain

[Halle Eavelyn]

Hi, @jeanette-uptain – first of all, your article is beautiful with that pic and the quote and the title, but it’s not clear that there IS an article – it just looks like a quote from YOU.  I think if you change your title to what I suggested that will help – AND maybe add Read on to… at the beginning (so they can see that there’s more!)

This IS the version I read – at least, it’s almost identical as far as the words go, so my notes all pretty much apply.

PLEASE take out the link to the I surrender video.  Although it may be very important to you, if someone clicks on it, especially at that crucial moment in your story, they are off on a new tangent and a new thought that is NOT “Hey, I’d love to work with Jeanette/sign up for her mailing list, etc” Which is definitely NOT what you want in that spot in your Hero Story after you put so much work into crafting it!!

I also don’t remember whether this sentence was in the original version I’ve read, but POSITIONING is very important and it’s not in here the way you want it to be:

If you decide to work with me you can choose a charity of your choice for me to donate to.

• If I choose to partner with you, you get to choose a charity and I’ll make a donation in your name!

[Jeanette Uptain]

Hi Halle,

I made the changes that you suggested. Please review and let me know how this sounds.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-everything-happened-your-life-happening-you-jeanette-uptain/?published=t&fbclid=IwAR2vodfyZNL-IhqZTszoyl_1kJhRZQJm4-6UBOmVOeHkVViPcuL7Y1QZAZ4

Thank you for all your help!

Jeanette Uptain

[n d]

Hi @jeanette-uptain! A SUPER job taking action based on Halle’s feedback 🙂

Keep in mind, Halle reviews up to the first draft, unless told otherwise.

Hope this helps and great work!

[Author]

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