Hero story for review please

[Nara Rakhmetova]

@amanda-hendrickson

@negeen-dargahi

Hi, can you please review the hero story 1st draft? Thank you!

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[n d]

Hi @nara-rakhmetova! Good work taking action on your hero story!

I’m tagging in @halle-eavelyn, who will be providing your feedback.

This may take up to a week so in the meantime, keep moving forward in the program 🙂

 

 

[Nara Rakhmetova]

n d wrote:

Hi @nara-rakhmetova! Good work taking action on your hero story!

I’m tagging in @halle-eavelyn, who will be providing your feedback.

This may take up to a week so in the meantime, keep moving forward in the program

@negeen-dargahi, @halle-eavelyn

hi guys,

I know you must be busy but wanted to remind about my hero story review. Would love to start using it.

Thank you!

[n d]

Hi @nara-rakhmetova!

@halle-eavelyn is a little backed up with hero stories due to the Live Summit but don’t worry, I’ve made sure to notify her.

Please keep moving forward through the program 🙂

[Halle Eavelyn]

HI, @nara-rakhmetova – GREAT JOB taking action!!!

Now… and I know TOO MUCH about this myself… NOT SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

Title – I LOVE IT!!!

How my depression lead to the passion to help people sell their homes with zero stress!

And it’s LED, not LEAD

In general, you need an editor who can fix your typos.  I recommend Fiverr.com and make sure you use a NATIVE ENGLISH speaker with LOTS of 5-star reviews!

“recovering erroneously paid federal funds” – uh, what does this mean??

Take a deeper dive into your FEELINGS of your depression.  Your FEELINGS and your FEARS are VITAL here so that people can think, “I’ve been there!”

Then you want to ALSO take a deeper dive into the feelings as you began to SOAR.  I feel like you’re the greatest CHEERLEADER!!!!  And that you are SO EXCITED TO LIVE!!! So share how you went from the depression to THAT.

Overall, I LOVE IT!!! I just really really want ALL THE FEELS about the experience of that journey from depression to passion!  It’s a GREAT story!!!

[Nara Rakhmetova]

@halle-eavelyn

Thank you!

[Nara Rakhmetova]

@halle-eavelyn

@kent-littlejohn

@anthony-simonie

Guys, I know Halle doesn’t review hero stories more than 1 time, but i would really appreciate your feedback. I did send this to my best past clients and so far the feedback was remove lines as it looks too long but otherwise good.

I went ahead and published but if you feel I need to change something, please let me know so I can do it right away. Thank you!

Here is the story on LI

 

[Halle Eavelyn]

Hey, @nara-rakhmetova – CONGRATS on publishing!!! YES!!!

This is why your clients don’t get to run our program 🙂 We know that WHITE SPACE IS VITAL!!! Don’t remove any of it – your published version looks GREAT!!!

Typo note: Thank yous is PLURAL, and has no apostrophe, throughout.

I think you did a GREAT JOB and I love your story!!!  YAY!!!!!

[Nara Rakhmetova]

@halle-eavelyn
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you. I actually did hire an editor via Fiverr and that how she sent it back. I’ll correct the thank yous as I thought that it looked weird too but trusted her judgement.</p>
 

 

[Halle Eavelyn]

AWESOME!!!

[Author]

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