6 years, 1 month ago-
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@donna-bistrican YAY!! I think this is a GREAT first draft!!
I LOVE the photo of you in the Telephone Tech group! AWESOME!!!
Make the KW photo SMALLER and if you can, use a higher resolution photo – it looks too grainy.You always capitalize Mom and Dad, but it shouldn’t be in ALL CAPS each time. OK? Unless it’s for emphasis. You might want to have someone review it for spelling and grammar as well – I noticed in the example with the $320K, you put “for example” in the quote marks, but it belongs out of the quote. Someone on Fiverr.com can catch these errors for you fairly easily for $5-10.
I think you actually have 2 whole pieces here. The first, the title and up to where you begin talking about yourself, is an ARTICLE that is a standalone. Then you need a NEW TITLE and I would suggest a sentence that draws them in – about a struggle, about something emotional, about something the audience can relate to. Then you can start your Hero Story. Watch my 2 Benefits Marketing videos (again, probably, LOL) for inspiration for that title and first sentence, ok? And then break that top part out for sure!
The rest looks great!!
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