Bob Moore infomercial~review please

[Bob Moore]

Doesn’t it make sense in this, “once in a lifetime” Real Estate market, to team up with a Realtor, who has lived in Maryland for 50 years, has 40 years business experience, and 7 years in  Real Estate.

Even if you’ve done it before, it is best to do it  with an Agent who can guide you through the complicated process to maximize your profits, and take advantage of historically low rates

 

Bob Moore Real Estate

301 785-3681

rmoore@weichert.com

 

 

 

 

[n d]

Hey there, @robert-bob-moore! This is a very good start but I’d like for there to be a little bit more that is said. Right now it’s quite short.

How about you start off asking up to 3 POWERFUL pain point questions…

Are you WANTING _________?
Do you NEED __________?
Want __________?

(after you ask 3 questions)

If you answered ‘YES’ to those questions, you came to the right place!

Hi, I’m _______ and I am a ____________ helping clients with _________.

(2-5 sentences saying HOW exactly you plan to help / how you serve your clients)

(you can add 1-2 more sentences about why they should work with you or maybe a motivating 1 liner to get them excited)

If you want _______________ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit.

 

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by n d.

[Bob Moore]

originally I was trying to get it to the 30 second limit.

I streeetched it out a tad

How is this.

___________________

Would you like to hear how my Clients maximized profits in this Seller’s market;  0nly to turn around and make a HUGE down payment on their next` historically low rate loan.

Would you like to hear how to do all that SRESS FREE?

Would you like to hear our strategy of no-nonsense marketing, advertising and professional negotiations, to make your deal one that you will love!!

Does all this sound too good to be true?   MAKE THE CALL TODAY TO FIND OUT HOW IT HAPPENS   (301)785-3681

I will save you Valuable Time and money  by having a sales strategy of:                                                                                              *up-to-date Education on market conditions, government regulations and upcoming developments.                                              *comprehensive market analysis;                                                                                                                                                                      *successful marketing and advertising;                                                                                                                                                *Professional negotiations:                                                                                                                                                                *sometimes needed partner affiliations:                                                                                                                                                    AND ALWAYS= A STRESS FREE process to move successfully to the closing table

Stop worrying about the contingencies and complicated paperwork. My expert advice on Pricing & Staging will set you apart from ANY competition — without you having to lift a finger.

If you want your Next move to be Stress-Free, please call me today to discuss working together.                                              (301) 785-3681

 

[n d]

Hi @robert-bob-moore! Instead of having the text say “do you want to hear” I want you to instead speak directly to their need.
“Are you READY for _____”
“Do you WANT _______”.

See how much better that is than asking someone “Do you want to hear about ______?”

Good content but your “CALL ME” in the middle of the message breaks up the flow. Just put it at the very end as your call to action 🙂

 

[Bob Moore]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?

I’ve lived in MD since the 60’s. Montgomery County since the 80s, and where I live  now since the 90s. Made choosing RE as a 2nd career easy (2014)…

I know MD.

ADD my 40+ years business experience and my many life years, and I make a valuable resource to anyone starting out or anyone in between. And I love helping people. NOTHING gives me more fulfillment than getting a good deal for my Clients.

My business experience gives me an edge in most negotiations.

You should call today  with any questions about MD and specifically about MoCo.

I will save you Valuable Time and $ by having a sales strategy of:

*up-to-date Education on market conditions, government regulations and upcoming developments.

*comprehensive market analysis;

*successful marketing and advertising;

*Professional negotiations:

*sometimes, needed partner affiliations:

*AND ALWAYS= A STRESS FREE process to move successfully to the closing table

Stop worrying about the contingencies and complicated paperwork.

My expert advice on Pricing & Staging will set you apart from ANY competition — without you having to lift a finger.

If you want your Next move to be Stress-Free, please call me today to discuss working together.

(301) 785-3681

 

[n d]

@robert-bob-moore, I want this to be less focused on you and more focused on them. Additionally, this isn’t reading like a infomercial – its very broken up. Try this:

How about you start off asking up to 3 POWERFUL pain point questions…

 

Are you WANTING _________?
Do you NEED __________?

Want __________?

 

(after you ask 3 questions)

 

If you answered ‘YES’ to those questions, you came to the right place!

Hi, I’m _______ and I am a ____________ helping clients with _________.

(2-5 sentences saying HOW exactly you plan to help / how you serve your clients)

(you can add 1-2 more sentences about why they should work with you or maybe a motivating 1 liner to get them excited)

If you want _______________ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit.

[Author]

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