4 years, 10 months ago-
Posts
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30 – second commercial:
(First statement–> Not sure which one’s better)
- Have you been looking for new streams of revenue to supplement, or even replace, your current income?
Or
2. Are you Looking to make more money so that you can either supplement or replace your current income?
Do you think it’s too good to be true?
Well it’s not. Hi, my name is Bill King. I have helped customers from 4 continents and from 7 countries create businesses that generate supplemental income.
Don’t depend on your current job to be your only source of income. Let us help YOU make MORE money or even help you CREATE the financial future you desire.
We have formulated a step-by-step system that’s designed to, slowly-but-surely, build a solid revenue-creating business that takes minimal initial investment and one that you can brand, run, and be proud of. We are there for you at every step of the way!
So if this is something that is of interest to you, please call me to see if we’d be a good fit to work together.
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Hi @william-king, awesome start!
For your pain point question, I recommend the 2nd option. I say this because it is not complex and easy to understand.
You can even add 2 more pain point questions so it’s 3 pain point questions.
When you say “well it’s not” instead say:
“It doesn’t have to be when you work with me” or something around those lines!
Call to action needs to be more alpha – I don’t like you saying “So if this is something that is of interest to you”
Instead, say:
If you’re READY for _______… message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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Everything else looks GREAT!
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Hi @negeen-dargahi,
Is this better???
Are you Looking to make more money so that you can either supplement or replace your current income?
Are you looking to take control of your financial future?
Are you tired of relying on a job that may not be all you hoped it would be?
Do you think that creating a job-replacing business is too good to be true?
Well once you work with me, it won’t be too good to be true.
Hi, my name is Bill King. I have helped customers from 4 continents and from different 7 countries create businesses that are designed to generate supplemental income for you.
Don’t depend on your current job to be your only source of income. Let us help YOU make MORE money or even help you CREATE the financial future you desire.
We have formulated a step-by-step system that’s designed to, slowly-but-surely, build a solid revenue-creating business that takes minimal initial investment and one that you can brand, run, and be proud of. We are there for you at every step of the way!
If you’re ready to create your new future, message me on Skype or LinkedIn and see if we’d be a good fit to work together.
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Hi @william-king,
Say this instead:
Well once you work with me, it doesn’t have to be!Everything else looks GREAT!!
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