6 years, 3 months ago-
Posts
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Hello team wonderful,
Please review and comment on my 30 second infomercial draft:
“You are an executive at a company or startup and you’re struggling with your verbal communication. You’re not always confident in your Voice. You wish to speak more easily in English. You are not speaking up when you need to or you are concerned that you’re not heard. Your presentation or pitch is not consistently dynamic and effective and you wish you could really connect with your audience. Yes – you need a communication success strategist.
Simply click on the link found here to schedule a confidential phone call with me. We will talk about your goals and working together.”
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@miluna-fausch, great start! I’m going to suggest you ASK, rather than TELL. “Are you an executive…” etc. I don’t think you need to say “at a company or startup” as you will work with an entrepreneur, etc. as well, yes? Then I’d move OFF the pain points and into solutions sooner. “Would you like to speak easily in English, so you can speak up when you need to, without concern that you won’t be heard or understood? Your presentation or pitch will become consistently dynamic…” etc.
Make sense?
Then I’d change the CTA : Just click this link: [LINK HERE] to schedule a confidential phone call with me and see if you qualify to have me help you. I think it will give you better positioning.
YAY, you!!
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Thank you Halle. I changed it a bit because I don’t work on accent reduction nor do I want to. I do help with pronunciation and the way they say it is key.
Does this work:
Are you struggling with your verbal communication? Are you not always confident in your own Voice? Would you like to speak easily in English, so you can speak up when you need to, without concern that you won’t be heard or seen as credible? Your presentation or pitch will become consistently dynamic and effective.
Go ahead and message me and I will send you a link to schedule a confidential phone call with me and see if you qualify to have me help you.
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Here’s my suggested revision, @miluna-fausch:
Are you struggling with your verbal communication? Are you not always confident in your own Voice? Would you like to speak easily in English, so you can speak up when you need to, knowing that you will be heard and seen as credible? Your presentation or pitch will become consistently dynamic and effective.
Message me to schedule a confidential phone call to see if you qualify for my one-on-one coaching!
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