Hi @roger-jarnigan, you did a great job making revisions!

I would personally recommend you not capitalize every word in your sales letter, simply due to it being hard to read.

Write out “and” rather than putting the “&” symbol.

I see how your sales letter is focusing on a story – that is completely fine but make it no longer than 4 sentences. This is because you are leading your readers into how you can help them and speaking directly to them.

There are a few grammatical errors – please read through every sentence to make sure it is reading properly.

I would recommend shortening the story section and instead having something like this:

WHAT HAPPY CLIENTS HAVE SAID:

(here you can add a testimonial that’s no longer than 3 sentences and no longer than 3 testimonials) this should really help your message flow.

Example of profile:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/renita-baldwin-realtor%C2%AE-at-quality-choice-solutions-llc-314695197/

Everything else looks good – you can move forward after those changes 🙂