Hi @marvena-baird, it’s wonderful to have you here in the program with us! Below are my comments for revision:

Your profile photo is pretty but not professional. I’d love to see a photo of your eyes at eye level with the camera and smiling. This will help your photo look more approachable and professional. Once you have a new photo, you can email it to our graphic designer, Lindsey, and she can add a white background for you.

You also need a better background banner image behind your profile photo. Please also email Lindsey, what your field of work is and she will create something custom for you.

Lindsey@coredm.com

Headline (words under name):

I really like what you have so far!! BUT… i still don’t really have a clear idea of what you do exactly and you want to make that very apparent.
How about filling out this template:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞Message Me!

Here is one example:

Want SEASIDE Living With RESORT Amenities? ☆ I’m An EXPERT Realtor Helping Clients In Hilton Head Island☆ ☞ Message me!

About Section:

This is an awesome start!!

I like where you’re going with this paragraph but I also don’t love it as part of your sales letter:

“👀 Look at the background picture behind the picture of me. It illustrates rotating towers with a central axis but twirling floors on each level with separate and different views at each turn.
Just like those towers in Dubai, we all have a central core and the world around us is ever turning. Sometimes it can be chaotic but when you have the right pieces in place the view is MOST beautiful.”

//

When someone clicks to view your profile, the first 2 sentences of your profile About/summary section are available for them until they have to click “see more”. That means, your first 2 sentences are very important.

I really like your message but towards the middle to the end, there’s an overload of emojis and the sales letter message get’s a bit lost.

Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with removing those bullet points at the end and focusing on a powerful sales letter.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Here is what we look for in a profile:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielgagnonre/

Call to action:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions! 🙂