Hi @bobby-schiff-2! Thank you for submitting your profile for review – below are my comments for revision:

Your profile photo is very nice but there are too many white spaces around your photo within the green border. Please send it to Lindsey, our graphic designer, and she will fix it for you.

Lindsey@coredm.com 

I also really like your background banner image but it seems to be cut off a bit by your profile photo. If you also send that to Lindsey, she can fix it for you! If at any point you ever want a new banner image, she can create a custom one for you.

Excellent headline!!

About Section:

I like how you’re starting off your sales letter sharing information on what you do, but I’d like you to not speak in 3rd person. Remember that this is a sales letter so you want to really grip your readers with providing information on what you do, who you work with, why they should work with you, and how you help.

When someone clicks to view your profile, the first 2 sentences of your profile About/summary section are available for them until they have to click “see more”. That means, your first 2 sentences are very important.

Right now, you have one chunky paragraph. I’d love for you to break it up (I provided examples below).

Also, you HAVE all the content, it just needs to be better organized 🙂

Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with removing those bullet points at the end and focusing on a powerful sales letter.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Here is what we look for in a profile:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielgagnonre/

Call to action:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions! 🙂