2 years, 6 months ago-
Posts
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OK, here’s my profile 2,600 words.
Will you get the best solution? Will you have choices and see your vision realized?
Yes. I learned an important lesson on an RFP cattle call, where the client wanted some sample work to see what he liked better to make his choice of designer. I said: “What if I have a red solution and you like blue? No. What you want is choice. We’ll get in the boat with you and row to the options you want to get the best solution possible. That’s why you want to use us.”
I have worked in government, cultural, corporate and small business settings developing communication on a broad range of design projects. My experience has taken me around the world, from the back of a motor scooter to plush leather seats of a corporate jet. I was responsible for communicating OEM manufacturing products and services from automotive, scientific, consumer and medical, telecommunications and display products to mom-and-pop restaurant logos. I take my ego out of the process and do the best for the client and the project.
Achievements I’m proud of: Due to our rebranding a small boutique training company to look like their larger competitors, we enabled them to reach their customer target (2 mid-Atlantic companies of 1,000 employees each in 6 months) by positioning them with a trademarked tagline and developing their sales materials; then, developed their website resulting in 9 customers.
Global architect SOM asked CMI to bring multiple elements of the National Museum of the U.S. Army together in a branded master wayfinding system across all the museum’s interior and exterior components. Through our knowledge of strategic branding, we developed an information hierarchy that brought the multiple elements together in a cohesive whole.
My best thinking happens on planes or public transportation, where there is ambient activity in the background. One aspect of my creativity came during my early schooling, where I learned propositions as “anything a squirrel can do to a tree.” My ability to draw a straight line came from practice on the Catholic military high school rifle team. My penchant for distinguishing subtleties in type fonts “dovetails” into my love of bird watching.
One of my joys is “discovery.” CMI hosts domestic and international student interns to gain cultural insight and share American business practices. As we share our knowledge, we gain ability to show customers the value of design, the do’s, don’ts, tips, tricks and rationales (the WHY) of good design practice. The HOW is the magic part. I synthesize seemingly disparate information into a cohesive whole to distinguish your brand’s product or service in the marketplace. Take your concept or subject matter and visualize it to get a desired action. I can make your brand memorable and compelling using the tools necessary, whether they be web-based, print- or events-based.
If you want to be elated that your completed design solutions make a difference in your business or personal life, then please Email: bjones@cminyc.com / Visit this Link Contact | CMI (cminyc.com) to see if we’re a good fit to work together.
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Hi @brian-jones! Nice job taking action on your profile accelerator! This is only 50% of my feedback, as i’ll need to see your actual LinkedIn profile (profile photo, headline, and banner image). Below are my comments!
I like that you asked 2 questions but they’re a little vague. Based on reading your profile, I am having a hard time immediately knowing what you do, and based on the lessons, we want this to be a sales letter as to why your perfect client should work with you. And of course, what it is you do – so less resume format.
I’d like you to ask 3 powerful pain point questions and then lead them into what you do – instead of the 2 that you’re asking. (They’re too vague).
I like your content but a lot of it is focused on you and not enough on them. I’d like you to swap “I” to “you”.
Here is an example:
“I have worked in government, cultural, corporate, and small business settings developing communication on a broad range of design projects. ”
to
“Clients that work with me can feel assured in my extensive experience in government, cultural, corporate, and small business settings through developed communication on a broad range of design projects.”
Also, you HAVE some good content to work with, it just needs to be better organized!
Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with removing those bullet points at the end and focusing on a powerful sales letter.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
What i’d like you to have:
- mention what you do, WHO you work with, HOW you help your clients, and WHY they should work with you.
Call to action at the end:
What you have is a bit too complex, try to bring it to a 5th grade level and make it simple and easy for them 🙂
If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions! 🙂
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I Can Help YOU get the best Integrated Marketing Communications Design solution by giving you choices to see your business vision realized.
Or
See your business vision realized through Integrated Marketing Communications Design that’s right for you.
ESSENTIALLY…
My core expertise is to do 3 things for you:
- Distinguish your products or services in the marketplace
- Visualize, and make tangible, your complex concepts that spur people to the action YOU NEED
- Create Integrated Marketing Communications Designs that are memorable and compelling to your audiences
A corporate generalist, with broad experience in all aspects of communication design, I eliminate your STRESS of knowing my marketing communications is going to help me achieve my business goals.
WANT AN EXAMPLE?
After reviewing our portfolio samples, a client wanted further sample work to see what he liked better to make his choice of designer.
HERE’S MY ANSWER.
“What if I have a red solution and you like blue? No. What you want is choice. We’ll GET IN THE BOAT WITH YOU and row to the options you need to get the best solution possible. That’s why YOU want to use us.”
Instead of “cherry-picking” a designer hoping for the best, clients that work with me can feel assured of my extensive experience in government, cultural, corporate and small business settings, for a broad range of communication design projects.
40 years of experiences in our NEXT project.
Those experiences have taken me around the world, from the back of a motor scooter to plush leather seats of a corporate jet for communicating products and services from automotive, scientific, consumer and medical, telecommunications and display products to mom-and-pop restaurant logos.
Do the best for YOUR PROJECT.
We rebranded a boutique training firm to look like their larger competitors, enabling them to reach their customer target (2 mid-Atlantic companies of 1,000 employees each in 6 months), positioned them with a trademarked tagline and new sales materials; then, developed their website.
3 weeks later, client emails: “OMG–we have 9 customers!”
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
Global architect SOM asked CMI to bring multiple elements of the National Museum of the U.S. Army together in a branded master wayfinding system across all the museum’s interior and exterior components. Through our knowledge of strategic branding, we developed an information hierarchy that brought multiple, competing elements together into a cohesive whole.
Results: Award-winning project set the bar for military museums.
One of my joys is “DISCOVERY.”
CMI hosts student interns to gain cultural insight and share American business practices. As we share knowledge, we gain ability to show customers the value, the do’s, don’ts, tips, tricks and rationales (the WHY) of good design practice. The HOW is the magic part.
If you’re ready for Integrated Marketing Communications Design, then give me a call TODAY at 646-327-4714 or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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Hi @brian-jones, I want to challenge you further – what is their business vision?
Example:
Transform the traffic your business gets with a unique and personalized integrated marketing communications design – made just for your perfect audeince!
The EASIER it is for someone to think less and immediately know what you do, the stronger your message will be! Good work regardless 😉
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Transform the traffic your business gets with a unique and personalized integrated marketing communications design – targeted to your perfect audience.
ESSENTIALLY… My core expertise is to do 3 things for you:
- Distinguish your products or services in the marketplace
- Visualize, and make tangible, your complex concepts that spur people to the action YOU NEED
- Create Integrated Marketing Communication Designs that are memorable and compelling to your audiences
A corporate generalist, with broad experience in all aspects of communication design, I eliminate your STRESS of knowing “my marketing communications is going to help me achieve my business goals.”
WANT AN EXAMPLE?
After reviewing our portfolio, a client wanted further sample work to see what he liked better to make his choice of designer.
HERE’S MY ANSWER.
“What if I have a red solution and you like blue? — What you REALLY want is choice. We’ll GET IN THE BOAT WITH YOU and row to the options you need to get the best solution possible. That’s why YOU want to use us.”
Instead of “cherry-picking” a designer hoping for the best, clients that work with me can feel assured of my extensive experience in government, cultural, corporate and small business settings, for a broad range of communication design projects.
40 years of experiences in our NEXT project.
Those experiences have taken me around the world, from the back of a motor scooter to plush leather seats of a corporate jet for communicating products and services from automotive, scientific, consumer and medical, telecommunications and display products to mom-and-pop restaurant logos.
Do the best for YOUR PROJECT.
We rebranded a boutique training firm to look like their larger competitors, enabling them to reach their customer target (2 mid-Atlantic companies of 1,000 employees each in 6 months), positioned them with a trademarked tagline and new sales materials; then, developed their website.
3 weeks later, client emails: “OMG–we have 9 customers!”
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
Global architect SOM asked CMI to bring multiple elements of the National Museum of the U.S. Army together in a branded master wayfinding system across all the museum’s interior and exterior components. Through our knowledge of strategic branding, we developed an information hierarchy that brought multiple, competing elements together into a cohesive whole.
Results: Award-winning project set the bar for military museums.
One of my joys is “DISCOVERY.”
CMI hosts student interns to gain cultural insight and share American business practices. As we share knowledge, we gain ability to show customers the value, the do’s, don’ts, tips, tricks and rationales (the WHY) of good design practice. The HOW is the magic part.
If you’re ready for Integrated Marketing Communications Design, then give me a call TODAY at 646-327-4714 or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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Hi @brian-jones! Thank you for sending that over – it still looks a little difficult to read. You have incredible information but the way it’s written is super complex. I want to rework the intro message. Instead of saying right on:
Transform the traffic your business gets with a unique and personalized integrated marketing communications design – targeted to your perfect audience.
How about you ask 3 short and powerful pain point questions:
Want _____? Do you NEED _______ but don’t know where to begin? Are you _______?
If you answered YES – you came to the right person.
I help clients like you _____________.
Essentially… here are 3 THINGS you will get as a client:
- Distinguish your products or services in the marketplace
2. Visualize, and make tangible, your complex concepts that spur people to the action YOU NEED
(this sentence is wayyyyy too complex!!)
2. Bring your vision to life with repeat customers/clients
3. Create Integrated Marketing Communication Designs that are memorable and compelling to your audiences
(still complex)
3. Create high end marketing designs that are memorable and compelling to your specific audience4. A corporate generalist, with broad experience in all aspects of communication design, I eliminate your STRESS of knowing “my marketing communications is going to help me achieve my business goals.”
(this was very hard to read and confusing)
^ remove it as a number 4 and write it as the next passage.
Design can make or break your business… and that is why I am here to lead you to success with top-of-the-line designs for ______ to get you in line with your perfect customers!
//
What may be easier is if you copy and paste Kent’s outline to your LinkedIn and fill it in with your content because you HAVE wonderful content, it just needs better organization. Kent argues that you should write at a 3-5th grade level so anyone can absorb the info.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
/
Can you rework the rest of your profile based on my feedback above? Also – plug this into your actual Linkedin to make sure you’re within the 2000 character limit.
VERY PROUD OF YOU!
- Distinguish your products or services in the marketplace
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@negeen-dargahi Here’s my revised version:
Want great design consultation? Do you NEED to grow your core business, but don’t know where to begin?
I learned an important lesson, when a client wanted some sample work to see what he liked better to make his choice of designer. I said: “What if I have a red solution and you like blue? No. What you want is choice. We’ll get in the boat with you and row to the options you want to get the best solution possible. That’s why you want to use us.”
Clients that work with me can feel assured of my extensive experience in government, cultural, corporate, and small business settings on a broad range of design projects. My experience has taken me around the world, from the back of a motor scooter to plush leather seats of a corporate jet. I was responsible for communicating OEM products and services from automotive, scientific, consumer and medical, telecommunications and display products to mom-and-pop restaurant logos. I take my ego out of the process and do the best for the client and the project.
A small boutique training company wanted to look like their larger competitors. We enabled them to reach their customer target (2 mid-Atlantic companies of 1,000 employees each in 6 months) by positioning them with a trademarked tagline, developing their sales materials and their website resulting in 9 customers!
Global architect SOM asked CMI to bring multiple elements of the National Museum of the U.S. Army together in a master wayfinding system across all the museum’s interior and exterior components. Through our knowledge of strategic branding, we developed an information hierarchy that brought multiple elements together into a cohesive whole.
One of my joys is “discovery.” CMI hosts domestic and international student interns to gain cultural insights and share American business practices. By sharing our knowledge, we gain ability to show customers the value of design, the do’s, don’ts, tips, tricks and rationales (the WHY) of good design practice. The HOW is the magic part. I synthesize seemingly disparate information into a cohesive whole to distinguish your brand’s product or service in the marketplace. Take your concept or subject matter and visualize it to get a desired action. Your brand can be charismatic, memorable and compelling using the tools necessary, whether they be web-based, print- or events-based.
If you’re ready for design thinking that makes a difference in your brand, business or personal life, then please Email: bjones@cminyc.com / Message this Link / Contact CMI (www.cminyc.com) to see if we’re a good fit to work together.
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Hi @brian-jones, I kind of liked the previous structure better because it was less focused on you “I” and more focused on them “you”.
I love what you have written but try to break up the paragraphs a bit. I would recommend copying Kent’s outline and plugging your content into the structure he has. Remember to read this from the eyes of a prospect who is really in need of your services.
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@negeen-dargahi I’m right at the character limit and paragraphs are included in the character count. I will focus more on them and make it pop by breaking up into paragraphs per Kent sample.
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That sounds great @brian-jones!! 🙂
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