Hey there, @ed-troy! First off, it’s so great to have you in the program with us! Below are my comments for feedback and revision:

Your current profile photo is really dark and would be better if maybe you were smiling. It would be a good idea to have someone take your photo with better lighting. Ideally, outside or with a window facing you. Do you have a better photo that is of high quality?

If you email it to our graphic designer, Lindsey, ask her to brighten the photo and add a white background for you.

Lindsey@coredm.com (you must email) 🙂

You also need a background/banner image. I’d also like you to email Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better!

Headline:

I do like your headline BUT based on the teachings in the program, your headline is the best piece of real estate. Let’s really make it POP! Think back on your Perfect Client exercise* How about filling out this template:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

(think about your perfect client)

Summary:

Ed, you have some really good information but a lot of it is “I” centered and not enough “you”. By this I mean, it would be best for you to write this in less of a resume format and more of a “heres how I help YOU”.

When someone clicks to view your profile, the first 2 sentences of your profile About/summary section are available for them until they have to click “see more”. That means, your first 2 sentences are very important.

Also, you HAVE all the content, it just needs to be better organized!

Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with removing those lists at the end and focusing on a powerful sales letter.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Call to action:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions and we can take it from there 🙂

Hey there @ed-troy! AWESOME job making changes!!

Could you take a photo for your profile of you smiling a bit more? This will help your page look a bit more approachable.

Also, as I read through your About section, it was interesting how you help people turn ideas into products. For your headline, you REALLY want to grab people’s attention.

Try to fill this out:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

Example:

Have A MILLION DOLLAR Idea But Need Help Creating The Product? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞Message Me!

//

Ed, the easier and more simple your sales letter is to read, the longer people will stay on your page 🙂

Try to break it down a little bit more for the average person and I think that would be really helpful!

Super proud of you!

Looks great, @ed-troy!! 🙂

You are good to move forward!