3 years, 3 months ago-
Posts
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Hi there, @ben-carpenetti! It was great speaking with you this morning and thank you for making a new post for me to review. Please look below at my comments:
(i’m reposting the initial feedback I had made and then below are my comments on your About section)
GREAT profile photo — I want you to send that photo to our graphic designer, Lindsey, and please ask her to add a white background for you. This will help brighten the photo up and make it look better and less dark.
You also need a better banner background image. In that email to Lindsey, tell her your field of work and she will create something custom for you.
Headline:
Your headline is looking good but I just cleaned it up and removed your phone number. Your number doesn’t belong in the headline, but you can add it to the end of your sales letter in the about section of your profile.
Want To Become A CERTIFIED Lean Six Sigma Green or Black Belt And Earn OVER $100,000? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
^ Ben, will the average person know what a “Lean Six Sigma Green or Black Belt” is? I just want to ask because you want to kind of make everything simple for people reading it so that’s why I left the blanks there because I wasn’t quite sure what you did.
About Section:
please read this article on REORDERING your profile section:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/your-linkedin-profile-sections-right-order-brynne-tillman/
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When someone clicks to view your profile, the first 2 sentences of your profile About/summary section are available for them until they have to click “see more”. That means, your first 2 sentences are very important.
Try to introduce what you do in an easier way like…
WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:
I help clients like YOU _____________.
Essentially…
When you work with me, you will __________________.
WHO I WORK WITH:
____,________,_____.
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Also, you HAVE all the content, it just needs to be better organized!
Pro tip: go to Kent’s profile, copy his About section, and ADD your own information to it. His outline is what we teach in the program! This should really help you with removing those bullet points at the end and focusing on a powerful sales letter.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
Testimonials:
You’ve got some great ones but please just choose 3 of your favorites as you don’t want to overload with testimonials on your About section.
Call to action at the end:
Remove “if you want” – remember, benevolent ALPHA 😉 tell them why they should call.
If you’re ready for [PAIN POINT] then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions!
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Sadly this feature no longer is available.
About Section:
please read this article on REORDERING your profile section:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/your-linkedin-profile-sections-right-order-brynne-tillman/
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I update the about section will you please help by looking it over for any mistakes.
I feel like it is not there yet.
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Hi there, @ben-carpenetti!
Your profile photo looks so much better!!
Did you email Lindsey about your banner image? She typically required 72 hours.
Headline:
This is on the right path, I just want you to write out “$” money and not just rely on the symbol.
Revised:
Want To Become A CERTIFIED Lean Six Sigma Green or Black Belt And Earn More MONEY? 🏆 MASTER Black Belt 🏆 Helping you Become Credentialed 👉 Message Me!
About Section:
Your about section is on the right path but I need you to really make it as OBVIOUS as possible for the typical person to read your sales letter.
This:
I help clients like YOU feel confident in making data-driven decisions!
Doesn’t necessarily give me a clear idea of what you do.
These 2 sentences were the only place where I had a better idea of what you do and how you help individuals:
Once you are Lean 6σ Green Belt, you can expect to impact hospital departments by eliminating over $150,000 in-process waste from Westchester MC in Valhalla, NY, like I did.
As a Lean 6σ Black Belt, you will be coaching executives for multihospital systems like Main Line Health in Philadelphia and eliminate $5.1 million in-process waste.
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If you can make it as obvious as possible in your message of “this is what a green and black belt is and this is what it can do for you” your message will be stronger.
Does that make sense?
Now, if your target market knows EXACTLY what you’re talking about, I could be wrong with my feedback. It’s important to make sure people are easily understanding instead of trying to understand.
Excellent organization and content. Just make it a bit more obvious in the beginning of your sales letter if you can.
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Will you please review and comment
I help YOU Become A CERTIFIED Lean Six Sigma Green Belt or Black Belt to earn more money!
Essentially…
With the Credentials
Green Belt’s median salary is $107,000, and the Black Belt’s is $122,700
Once you are Lean 6σ Green Belt, you can expect to impact hospital departments by eliminating over $150,000 in-process waste from Westchester MC in Valhalla, NY, like I did.
As a Lean 6σ Black Belt, you will be coaching executives for multihospital systems like Main Line Health in Philadelphia and eliminate $5.1 million in-process waste.
Wouldn’t it be great if you had a road map for success?
We have fun learning and earning your certificate in Lean Six Sigma in less than a week!
and
I eliminate your STRESS of taking the exam, so you get the results you want quickly.
I WORK WITH?
CEOs, CFOs, CNOs, Directors, Managers, Engineers, PMPs, Data Scientists, Continuous Improvement professionals, Cost Accountants, and Performance Improvement Specialists who are leaders of interdisciplinary teams implementing improvements in health care delivery, patient care, and outcomes.
My passion is helping the nurses because the most rewarding part of my work is when the Chief Nursing Officer says, “The nurses love it!”
You will benefit from my practical experience of where the rubber meets the road.
Twenty-plus years of experience in healthcare performance improvement overall cost reductions or revenue improvements of $343.5 million in over 100 hospitals from coast to coast.
“Ben is extremely knowledgeable in hospital operations improvement and a nice guy!”
Moody Chisholm, Division President at Ardent Health
“Ben has helped me grow and develop.”
Clint Kendall, CEO at Andalusia Health
“Ben is expert at analyzing and interpreting data and developing action plans to improve quality and efficiency. It has been a pleasure working with Ben.”
Tom Hughes, SVP at WakeMed
“I learned tremendously while working with Ben.”
Abe Brown III, Senior Advisor at FDA
When you take the course with me, I give you a discount on the price from a nationally recognized certification company.
You know who will be teaching the course instead of an academic with zero practical experience or a person with English as their second language.
If you want to Get-R-Done,
then don’t delay;
do it right away;
contact me today!
Give me a call ☎ at 615-424-4245 or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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Hi @ben-carpenetti! This looks SO much better – I knew instantly what you did and how you helped individuals.
Remove the comma after “$107,000,”
GREAT WORK!!
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