4 years, 2 months ago-
Posts
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@halle-eavelyn @kent-littlejohn @negeen-dargahi
Hello everyone. Can you please review my LinkedIn profile and headline. Thank you!
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Hi @steven-maxwell – so great to have you in the program with us!! I will be providing you feedback on your profile – please look below:
Your profile photo looks great! Please zoom in by 50% so we can see your face better and less of your chest.
Your banner image is of a logo and isn’t doing anything to benefit your profile. I’d like you to email our graphic designer and tell her your field of work and she can create something better for you – she can also add that logo somewhere in there too.
Headline:
I like your headline. Remove “at that” – just put Realtor after expert.
About section:
Your content is good but it wasn’t screaming sales letter – it was just a lot of chunky paragraphs. I want it to really POP because you HAVE the content, you just need to better organize it (including the format).
What I think would REALLY benefit you is actually using Kent Littlejohn’s format and just adding your content to it because you have the content, you just need to better organize it!
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
CALL TO ACTION – you need a better one:
If you’re READY for _______ message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions!
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@negeen-dargahi I made some changes you recommended and I’ve already sent Lindsey some info this morning on my background image and waiting to hear back.
I’m at a loss when you say make it like Kents. Can you give me some suggestions on what to change or paragraphs to move around? When it comes to things like this, I really dislike having to send messages to communicate when a 10 minute call can take care of the issues. Can we schedule a call?
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Good afternoon @negeen-dargahi Will you be able to reply today to my message from yesterday?
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Hey @steven-maxwell! Definitely – I actually have office hours tomorrow at 6pm EST. Would you be able to make it?
If so, great – if not, we can find another time.
Wednesday at 6pm EST –> http://zoom.us/j/4496238008
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@negeen-dargahi Yes 6 pm EST works for me. I’ll be ready. Thank you!
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Hi @steven-maxwell – it was good speaking with you on Wednesday!
Below are more detailed comments on your profile – you’re welcome to implement my comments that see fit for your business.
Instead of starting off your sales letter by “What I do~” instead, have “WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:” the first 2 sentences of your about section are the most important because they have to click “see more” to read the rest. You can lowercase them.
What you currently have is: “I give YOU multiple options in selling your current home without losing your new home of choice.”
I would even consider having: “I find you, QUALIFIED buyers when selling your current home without losing your new home of choice!”Instead of saying “How I can help” you can keep leading the sales letter and replace that with “Essentially…”
If you’re ready to SELL your current home and purchase your next home seamlessly… I know exactly how to help!
This is one of the most challenging parts of today’s Arizona market and what I SPECIALIZE in. I will give you multiple options in selling your current home without losing your new home of choice.
What’s better?
You need a trusted, professional Realtor that has your family’s BEST interest at heart. For most, buying a home is the largest investment of your lifetime. You need someone in your corner that will listen, advise, and then execute YOUR real estate goals. NO more wondering what’s happening – I make sure you are in the loop 100% of the way.
(above, I condensed what you wrote in order to make it less wordy and straight to the point)
Introduce your bonus with a different word like “WHY work with me? Here’s a bonus…”
(after the above, add 1-3 testimonials that are no longer than 3 sentences)
Here’s What Happy Clients Have Said:
______
______
Good call to action and everything else looks great!
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Good morning @negeen-dargahi. I’ll get these changes made today and will let you know to make sure I got them all right. You’re the BEST!
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@negeen-dargahi Do you want this entire paragraph removed? I know you want me to remove the “google” and “zillow profile” part:
“Contact, Care and Community are VERY important to me. I strive to give back to my friends, clients and community. Whether it’s hosting a pool party for the 4th of July at the local water park, sponsoring an Easter Egg hunt for 100’s of children or organizing a food drive for those needing a helping hand, I want to do my part. Theodore Roosevelt said it best —”People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I take this to heart with each and every client. I implore you to see what our clients say. Please Google “Steve Maxwell Realtor” and here’s a link to client testimonials. https://www.zillow.com/profile/SteveMaxwell1/“
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@negeen-dargahi I just completed my sales letter. I ran out of room and had to make some minor edits so everything fit. Please let me know if you approve this.
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Hi @steven-maxwell! My apologies on the late reply – below are my comments 🙂
WOW – your sales letter has completely shifted. Your message is very welcoming and informative!!! I can feel the confidence you have in yourself and what you will provide your clients. What I like most is the information you’ve provided. You got rid of over educating them and instead of leading them into the hows and whys of how you can help them.
So proud of you!!
Everything looks super.
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Hi @steven-maxwell! My apologies on the late reply – below are my comments 🙂
WOW – your sales letter has completely shifted. Your message is very welcoming and informative!!! I can feel the confidence you have in yourself and what you will provide your clients. What I like most is the information you’ve provided. You got rid of over educating them and instead of leading them into the hows and whys of how you can help them.
So proud of you!!
Everything looks super.
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@negeen-dargahi Thank you so much and especially for your guidance.
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