Hi @joseph-vample! First off, welcome to the program and nice work taking action on your profile!!

Below is my feedback on changes I’d like you to make:

Great profile photo!! If you email it to our graphic designer, Lindsey, she can add a white background for you if you’d like.

You need a banner image. I’d also like you to email Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better!

Lindsey@coredm.com

Headline:

Good headline!! Very attention-grabbing! Here is another option you can use:

Want _____ WITHOUT _______?☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞ Message Me!

About section:

Take out “About me” – remember that this is a sales letter and the focus needs to be on them and less on you. Such as replacing “I” with “you”. This shouldn’t be in resume format.

I want you to copy Kent’s profile. He really focuses on his perfect client and isn’t talking about himself but rather HOW he can help them, WHAT he can do for them, and WHY he’s the best choice.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Here are other examples:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

Good call to action!!

Please tag me after you make the necessary revisions! 🙂

Hey @joseph-vample, GREAT revisions!!

Did you get a chance to email Lindsey in regards to her creating a custom background image for you??

In this sentence, I added plurals to business:

I’m a small business financer and consultant that help small businesses turn into BIGGER businesses.

Instead of saying “nevertheless” say “Sounds great right?”

Add a question mark to this sentence:

Well, Joe what’s the plan on helping my business expand?

Write seventy percent as 70%

Everything else looks GOOD!

Hi @joseph-vample – it’s always great to add your own personal (professional) voice to your sales letter.

Good work 🙂