4 years, 12 months ago-
Posts
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Here’s my first draft of my infomercial, @negeen-dargahi. Not sure it’s clear enough what I do. Thanks for any feedback!
“When people ask you about being a coach, consultant, speaker, or business leader, do you stumble over your answer, providing a stream of words that relate to what you do but leave the other person looking like they’ve just taken a spin on the tilt-a-whirl?
[flash an image of a confused businessperson in front of a blurred carnival setting]
While you might have a pat elevator speech ready to go, getting into the details is a quick turn into the weeds and you’re left fumbling to provide the juicy bits that help you stand out from the crowd of other professionals in your space.
Wouldn’t it be easier if you could just hand them a book all about you? One that’s custom written to be both entertaining and helpful to your prospect which has them calling you up to book more of your services?
As a professional ghostwriter, I help you find your professional story, write your unique approach into a service-based book, and weave those same threads through your marketing materials until you stand tall as the talented, knowledgeable, distinctive professional you are. I take the burden of creating all that content off your shoulders so you can focus on giving your clients the best of you without sacrificing the rest of you.
Message me here on LinkedIn to discover how having your own professional book can help your business grow.”
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Hi @wendy-strain, this is a really good start! I do want you to fine-tune it a bit so it flows better. Some of the sentences you have, such as the first one, are very long.
Do you think you could put that same information into this template?? This might be a bit more helpful for you in regards to organizing your points:
How about you start off asking up to 3 POWERFUL pain point questions… (short and to the point, since there are 3)
Are you WANTING _________?
Do you NEED __________?Want __________?
(after you ask 3 questions)
If you answered ‘YES’ to those questions, you came to the right place! (motivating line)
Hi, I’m _______ and I am a ____________ helping clients with _________.
(2-5 sentences saying HOW exactly you plan to help / how you serve your clients)
(you can add 1-2 more sentences about why they should work with you or maybe a motivating 1 liner to get them excited)
If you want _______________ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit. (you had a great call to action already)
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Hi Nageen,
Thanks for the feedback. I’ve been struggling all day to try to fit into that template. It just doesn’t feel like me and everything I come up with, when rehearsed a moment, sounds so flat and dull. Shouldn’t I be able to deliver this naturally? I’m not trying to push back against your greater experience, but am struggling to understand where to place priorities. I feel like a dead delivery will not result in engaged clients.
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Hi @wendy-strain, no problem! I want you to feel comfortable with your message. The reason I provided the template was to help with organizing your points. Also keep in mind that this infomercial is a lot more powerful with you being in the video. There’s more information on this in the Transformational Business Strategy Module under the video called “Infomercial”
Your first sentence still needs work.
“When people ask you about being a coach, consultant, speaker, or business leader, do you stumble over your answer, providing a stream of words that relate to what you do but leave the other person looking like they’ve just taken a spin on the tilt-a-whirl?
How about:
Are you a coach, consultant, speaker or business leader?
Do you find it CHALLENGING to explain exactly what you do to potential clients?
Or maybe you are left fumbling to provide the juicy bits that help you stand out from the crowd of other professionals in your space…
If this sounds like something you’ve struggled with, I know exactly how to help. Hi, my name is @wendy-strain and I am a professional ghostwriter.
When you work with me, I can help you find your professional story. What’s better? I will write your unique approach into a service-based book and DEVELOP a one of a kind marketing material that will showcase the distinctive and knowledgable profession you are!
I take the burden of creating all that content off your shoulders so you can focus on giving your clients the best of you without sacrificing the rest of you.
Message me here on LinkedIn to discover how having your own professional book can help your business grow.
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Thanks so much, @negeen-dargahi. That does help me see it much better. To be clear, in my original idea, I was only planning a quick flash of the other image – maybe only a few seconds (long enough to be seen, but not any longer). The rest of the time, I planned to be on camera. But I do like the script you sent. I made a few tweaks – do they help or hinder?
Are you a coach, consultant, speaker or business leader?
After the elevator pitch, do you find it CHALLENGING to explain exactly what you do for potential clients?
Maybe you are left fumbling to explain the juicy bits that help you stand out from the crowd of other professionals in your space…
If this sounds like something you’ve struggled with, I know exactly how to help. Hi, my name is @wendy-strain and I am a professional ghostwriter.
When you work with me, I can help you find your professional story. What’s better? I will write your unique approach into a service-based book and DEVELOP one of a kind marketing materials that will showcase the distinctive and knowledgable professional you are!
I take the burden of creating all that content off your shoulders so you can focus on giving your clients the best of you without sacrificing the rest of you or blending into the template-using crowd.
Message me here on LinkedIn to discover how having your own professional book can help your business grow.
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LOVE IT, @wendy-strain!! Super proud of you for revising – looks so much better!
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Thanks so much for your help! I’ve also revised my LinkedIn profile based on your suggestions. I was waiting for Lindsey to send a new banner for it (poor thing had the flu last week!), but I wasn’t too happy with the end result. I’m going to make a few adjustments and will update that thread for your feedback when ready – probably tomorrow.
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Hi @wendy-strain! Sorry, you weren’t happy with the results – please ask her to revise so it looks exactly the way you like!!
I’m also the same way at times! I love using Canva.com to create my own designs. I know they have a LinkedIn Banner template that you can customize yourself.
I look forward to seeing the final outcome!
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