Hi Vince:  I’m working on my Profile Accelerator right now.  You have a compelling offer and great flow.  Thanks for the example!

Pat Dolen

Hi @vince-szabo, this is an awesome start on your profile!! Below is my feedback:

Great profile photo!

I don’t like your background photo very much. It’s not very inviting. I’d also like you to email our graphic designer, Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something better.

Lindsey@coredm.com

Headline:

I do like what you have, how about something a little more attention-grabbing like:

Want Increase Profit WITHOUT Someone Else Making Money From Your 401K? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

^ you can, of course, fix that if it doesn’t completely stand with your message. Just copy and paste the above once you’ve fixed it!

Summary:

You had my attention immediately when reading your summary, which is GREAT!

After you say “Well, you’re probably right” in the first sentence, I want you to next say:

“Here’s how I can help YOU…”

And then continue with the rest of your summary. This is so you are continuing to lead them through your sales letter.

I Fixed the formatting of this sentence:

QUESTION:

Do you own, buy, or have sold any properties? If NOT… it is IMPERATIVE, that you segregate some TAX DEFERRED funds, just for that purpose. I like to call it, your:
“PERSONAL HEDGE FUND”

Please write out and instead of having the & symbol.

Vince, your profile would greatly benefit if you copy Kent’s outline. You have the RIGHT idea but at some points during the end, it’s too much educating. Try to copy this outline for a better sales letter:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Call to Action:

What you have is not powerful. Try this:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me in your revision 🙂

Hi @vince-szabo, your profile has really improved!! Let’s have you start using your revised 4 questions and start connecting! 🙂

@vince-szabo GREAT job on your profile – looks TERRIFIC!!  Let us know how you do with folks you connect with!!