Hi, @sandra-thigpen-2! Really nice job taking action on your hero story and getting it reviewed!

Tagging in @halle-eavelyn to provide you with feedback if she has not yet provided you feedback.

Please allow 1-2 weeks for this. Please continue through the program in the meantime 🙂

Hi, @sandra-thigpen-2

I LOVE your title!!!  Can I suggest a small revision:

How my life experiences through my physical disability can you sell your home…

Whether this is exactly accurate or not, it’s MUCH easier to read and I’m sure it’s CLOSE

(also notice that elipsis are ALWAYS just 3 dots).

NOTE that this paragraph is REPEATED for some reason:

I soon realized that having been rejected for employment in the restaurant industry, I had to reach for higher employment opportunities. So I attended a business college to learn how to be a secretary, which prepared me for positions in banking, as an executive assistant, and as a real estate agent.

Can you maybe talk about WHY you aspired to work in fast food in the first place? Like… everyone else was doing it, you had a friend who had a job in a burger joint, something?

Take this out:

This didn’t keep me from graduating from high school, meeting and marrying a most wonderful man….a career Army soldier, raising three beautiful children, and working a full-time job as an executive assistant and now as a real estate agent for over 11 years.

You just told us the whole path of the above paragraph so you don’t need it here.

Re. this: Even after 10+ years, my husband Bobby is still part of my team and supports me in many ways, even though I haven’t made tens of thousands of dollars each year. LOL.

Take THIS out: even though I haven’t made tens of thousands of dollars each year. LOL.

• it doesn’t support your positioning

This is the ONLY part I want you to really rewrite or remove:

I can definitely help you sell your house in a timely manner if you will trust me like Jim did. Too much stress? , Let me take the load off your shoulders and place it on mine.
Need to focus on other important things? Focus on moving to your new home, not on having to setup showing appointments or being present to show your home.
Don’t enjoy dealing with a ton of paperwork? Not having to learn real estate-ese to understand a buyer’s offer.
LET me take these loads off your shoulders!
I want to continue to serve and bless my military families with my perseverance, loyalty to their needs, and building a long term and lasting relationship.
I will achieve this by updating them regularly on any and all changes in the transaction. Also by being fair and honest with them in every way.
If you believe we’re a match for getting your home sold, message or call me at 757-719-2622 TODAY!!!.

Because other than the last sentence, it’s ALL stuff that can be in ALL your other materials but doesn’t belong in your Hero Story, which is not sales.  Does this make sense? I think it’s fine to recap and say that you are capable of handling all their needs because you’ve been through so much (and your story is TRULY inspirational!) but leave out the specifics.  I DO like your 2 client stories and your positioning there.

Also, re. your CTA, try this version:

If you would like me to consider getting your home sold, message or call me at 757-719-2622 TODAY!!!.

• it’s better positioning for you!!