Hi @avron-white! Nice job taking action and thank you for sending this over. Below is my feedback:

I’d like you to go back through the Profile Accelerator, it looks like there’s a good amount of changes I’d like you to make that follow that structure.

Profile Photo: You look great! You can email that photo to our graphic designer, Lindsey, and have her add a white background for you so this image looks more professional.

Background Photo (the waterfall image you have): This needs to be changed to an image that relates to your business. Please email Lindsey, tell her about your field of business, and she will actually create a custom background image for you to use.

Lindsey@coredm.com

Headline (words under name):

This is the best piece of ‘real estate’ on your LinkedIn profile. Let’s really make it POP. How about something like this…

Want ________ WITHOUT ______?☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞ Message Me!

It would look like this:

Want Maximum PROFIT From Selling Your Home WITHOUT Stress?☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞ Message Me!

Summary:

While you have some bits of good info, the other half of your summary is all about YOU and not on them. Remember that this is a sales letter.

Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

That video will help you directly speak to your potential customers.

Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important.

How about you ask 3 POWERFUL pain point questions your clients struggle with.

What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?” THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.

Also, your paragraphs are a bit chunky and need better organization. (check out the examples I provided and look at the format which you can copy)

You can even COPY Kent’s profile summary and just add your own information to it if that is easier:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

You want to provide information that is:

Telling your readers WHO you work with, HOW you help them and WHY they should work with you. It’s nice to educate them but not throughout the entire profile.

Call To Action:

You need a better one!

If you’re ready for _______ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me in your revision 🙂

Hi @avron-white! This looks SO much better! Great work.

I’m glad you are talking with Lindsey on the photos!

Headline (words under your name):

So, right now you have written “Real Estate Sales Executive”. You can really utilize this space by adding something like:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

Take out the call to action from the beginning of your profile and the middle of your profile. That belongs at the end. Remember, this is a sales letter so you are leading them to your call to action.

I’d even consider copying Kent’s outline and just adding your own information to it. He organized his points really well and your profile would shine if you did the same.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Also remember to have less of the focus on your background and more of the focus on what you do and how you help your clients.

Good work!