5 years, 9 months ago-
Posts
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Asking for 2nd review please after so many changes and upgrades!. 🙂 About to start the Barker 20 so this is important for me to get right. :->
https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolalinden/
I’ve made the WONDERFUL changes you suggested. Also.
- Got rid of word MILLENNIALS. They hate being called that. Glad I found THAT out.
- TRIED to do headshot as white background. Did not work. Looked like a brown football
helmet on my head, as in STEEL MAGNOLIAS. LOL My photographer said he would do a new
shoot to get a white background. Didn’t want you to think I hadn’t listened and tried to comply. - Got phone number out of heading.
- Made text more focused on THEM and THEIR PROBLEM and how I have a SOLUTION. Please let me know if I did that well enough.
Please also read the description for SANDBOX ACADEMY under the Employment section. That’s the new part of my business that I’m using this program to get traffic for. I need site traffic to get these courses to Millennials who will benefit from them Corporate American is doing NOTHING for them. This is NOT RIGHT. I’m trying to offer Millennial employees and managers an affordable answer to the near total lack of talent development now.
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR GREAT HELP!!!! I’m so proud of how you’ve upped my game with this new LI look and content. You guys do superb work!!!
Blessings,
Carol
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Hi @carol-linden! So glad you submitted your profile for review, there are a few things that need to change 🙂
First of all, your content is good but you’re not really leading your readers through your sales letter. Also, having “CONTACT ME” in the middle of your summary will lose your readers. That belongs at the end with your call to action.
Here’s what I’d like you to do:
COPY Kent’s entire profile summary and add in YOUR information.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/
This is so you lead people effortlessly through your sales letter… such as telling them who you work with, how you can help them, what you do, etc.
In addition to copying Kent’s outline, doing so will really help your summary have a better format. Right now, your paragraphs are very chunky and we want to avoid that.
Let me know how it goes with revising and tag me once you do that! Everything else (background, headline, profile photo) looks great. You can even send that photo to Lindsey and have her add a new background color of your choice.
Call To Action:
If you’re wanting [pain point]… message me here on LinkedIn TODAY to see if we’re a good fit!
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