Nice job taking action, @kathryn-rimstidt!

I have tagged @halle-eavelyn to review.

This may take up to a week for her to provide feedback. In the meantime, please proceed through the program.

Thank you!

GREAT FIRST DRAFT, @kathryn-rimstidt!!!

First, the great news: Your personality, sweetness and kindness RADIATE throughout this Hero Story.  While I usually have to ask people to PLEASE put their feelings in there, I can see yours all the way!!  CONGRATS because that’s hard to create if you don’t know how.

Editing-wise, I have to say I found the story difficult to follow because of the meandering approach.  So here is some guidance, because I cannot tell you WHAT to cut or leave behind – it’s YOUR story!!

You want some ANCHORS.  By that, I mean, you want things your readers can hang their hats on.  So for example, you talk about an idyllic childhood spent traveling the world, with lots of LOVE.  Say it, tell me ONE story about it, and then move on. Pick the BIG POINTS in your life and share a moment to paint a picture for your reader. So right now, look for example at these 3 paragraphs:
<p style=”text-align: right;”>And, though this is a beautiful loving sentiment, I somehow took this in to constantly search for that “best,” especially in middle school and high school, and when my “best” was an “A” or keeping a situation joyful, that was the best I had to reach in the future.  But, I balanced it with not doing some things and keeping or realizing some things, like my music, could be “less best” than others.</p>
<p style=”text-align: right;”>So, I definitely plan on carrying aspects of all of this on to my son, but with a bit of a twist, to really lean deep into acceptance, love, flexibility, and finding a different path, third way (or even fourth way!).</p>
<p style=”text-align: right;”>So, we weren’t always happy or joyful as a family, and I think that’s ok and natural.  We each had moments (and I know I still do), of upset and grief, with ourselves and with each other.</p>
You’ve got too many ideas in the first one. The last sentence of the paragraph could be a whole incident unto itself (Music? What music? It’s the first time we are hearing about it) You’re talking about your major THEME creeping in (how this this well-adjusted and well-LOVED kid become subject to severe panic attacks? And then cure herself? And then help others with their own?)

Your second paragraph is about your son. He may be the center of your world, but we didn’t know you had one until this moment, AND I feel like if you want to talk about him, it needs to come much later.

The last paragraph might be okay, but sooner, tied to your family story from page 1.  And honestly, what family doesn’t? So you might not need it at all, either.

Also, remember your THEMES, especially your major one (above).  Ask yourself, does this relate to my personal journey TO and THROUGH panic attacks?? If NOT, it probably needs to go!

We can worry about pictures, etc. once you have completed your story, but in general, several are GREAT!! I don’t know that you need multiple parts? It depends on how long it is.

For reference, consider the material PINNED to the top of this Hero Story Forum.  Including the Case Study for Glo Reber and the Hero Story Overview Map. And feel free to read some others, too – I find when I immerse myself in several completed ones of something I am trying to model that it gives me insight into my own path.

YAY, Kathryn!!!!

PS.  Thank you for your PATIENCE and please expect timely responses, especially if you tag me!!