Hi, @kevin-sterling Nice job taking action on your LI profile! Below is my feedback:

Headline:

Your headline is the first thing prospects will see when they go to your LI profile so we really want to capture their attention with something that pertains to them. To keep your headline simple but POWERFUL, fill this out and add it to that location:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞MSG Me

Summary:

I love your energy here and you are on the right track, however, your info needs to be better organized to lead them effortlessly through your sales letter.

Please refer to these profiles from other clients in the program. Notice the FORMAT/outline and pay attention to the way they lead you through their profile.

They detail HOW they help their clients, WHO they work with, etc.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurabarkerjd/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bre-zientarski/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

****Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bulls eye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

You could start your summary off asking 3 short and sweet and POWERFUL pain point questions!

Call to action:

You need one. It could be something like this:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

TAG ME IN YOUR REVISION

I read Amanda Hendrickson’s remarks and perhaps she has a point. My initial reaction was that you displayed powerful motivation for personal self-development and awareness. And I think that is magnetic. So people will want to buy into your energy and capacity for insight. I think the message you were communicating might have been that a website reflects the owners’ energy, drive commitment, integrity and skill set. Therefore the construction of the website is critical if you want to pass on the “wow” factor of your service or product offering.

The energy output of your page effervesces lateral thinking that takes you from deep philosophical thinking to practical applications in a heartbeat. Its a big leap. There needs to be more intermediary steps – but perhaps there is not enough time or attention span from the reader in this type of profile to go the full course.

Nevertheless I found it profoundly and exceptionally interesting – however from the standpoint of hooking the casual interested observer into your web of knowledge – possibly its too busy. Thank you for sharing it.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Avron White.

@kevin-sterling Wow! GREAT job implenting my feedback! This flows much better, is more about THEM, and keeps the same authenticly honest energy you had in the first draft!