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Hi @jeanette-uptain! Nice job taking massive imperfeCT action! Below is my feedback:
Great profile photo! Please ZOOM 50% in so we can see your face clearly.
You also need a background photo (the rectangular blue space behind your profile photo). I want you to email our graphic designer and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create something for you to use!
Headline:
This is the best piece of ‘real estate’ on your LinkedIn profile. Let’s really make it POP. How about something like this…
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
Please look back through at the profile accelerator module. You need more information.
Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.
There’s too much emphasis on you and not enough on them.
Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important.
How about you ask 3 POWERFUL pain point questions your clients struggle with.
What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?” THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
Also, your paragraphs are a bit chunky and need better organization.
(check out the examples I provided and look at the format which you can copy)
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/You want to provide information that is:
Telling your readers WHO you work with, HOW you help them and WHY they should work with you.
Call To Action:
You need one!
“If you’re ready for _______ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
Please tag me in your revision!! 🙂
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Hi Negeen, please review:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanette-uptain-75050bb/
Want a real estate experience that is all about you?” Well then look no further, I am here to help. I have lived in the area for over 30 years and have 20 years experience in real estate.
I deliver to you in-depth real estate services in the Ventura and LA counties. I work with a wide range of people: growing families, first time home buyers, investors and those wanting to simplify their lifestyle. I help my sellers price their home correctly in the beginning so that we don’t chase the market. I never overestimate the selling price just to get the listing. For my buyers, I carefully listen to their wants and needs. From there, I hand pick homes to show them. This way I root out the homes that would not be an interest to them.
If you’re ready for an honest realtor to sincerely help and dedicate their time to you then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanette-uptain-75050bb/
Want a real estate experience that is all about you?” Well then look no further, I am here to help. I have lived in the area for over 30 years and have 20 years experience in real estate.
I deliver to you in-depth real estate services in the Ventura and LA counties. I work with a wide range of people: growing families, first time home buyers, investors and those wanting to simplify their lifestyle. I help my sellers price their home correctly in the beginning so that we don’t chase the market. I never overestimate the selling price just to get the listing. For my buyers, I carefully listen to their wants and needs. From there, I hand pick homes to show them. This way I root out the homes that would not be an interest to them.
If you’re ready for an honest realtor to sincerely help and dedicate their time to you then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
PS I believe in giving back in a meaningful way. Being that I am a breast cancer survivor and a huge animal lover, I donate a portion of my commision to the American Cancer Society or to the local animal rescue where I volunteer. Let me know if you have a favorite charity and I will donate to them. When you list with me you will also be giving back!
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@Tagging you in this @negeen-dargahi
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Hi @jeanette-uptain!!
Nice job revising! There are still changes you need to make to your overall profile. I recommend looking back at my feedback.
Headline:
This still needs to be improved. Please fill this out. Please only focus on ONE group of people. Buyers, sellers, etc. Just focus on ONE for your profile.
Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!
Summary:
Your first 2 sentences of your profile are the most important and right now it isn’t quite grabbing my attention because there are WAY too many “i” and not enough “you”.
Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.
There’s too much emphasis on you and not enough on them.
Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important.
How about you ask 3 POWERFUL pain point questions your clients struggle with.
What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?” THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.
Also, your paragraphs are a bit chunky and need better organization.
(check out the examples I provided and look at the format which you can copy)
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/
You want to provide information that is:
Telling your readers WHO you work with, HOW you help them and WHY they should work with you.
Call To Action:
Much better! I revised it:
If you’re READY for a DEDICATED and hard-working realtor… message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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Hi Negeen, Is this better?
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanette-uptain-75050bb/
Want a professional real estate agent to sell your home for the highest price point in the shortest amount of time with little stress? Then look no further, I am here to help you. I have over 20 years of experience in real estate in the Ventura and Los Angeles counties.
From me, you will get custom in-depth services such as top-level marketing and design. According to the market, together we will come up with the right price to list your home. In pricing your home correctly the first time, this will save you time and money. Besides holding open houses for the public, we will have a special catered open house for all of your neighbors, family, and friends. In addition to mailing out flyers, I will help you by personally making calls every morning to the surrounding neighborhoods to get the word out.
I believe in giving back in a meaningful way. Being that I am a breast cancer survivor and a huge animal lover, I donate a portion of my commision to the American Cancer Society or to the local animal rescue. Let me know if you have a favorite charity and I will donate to them. When you list with me you will also be giving back!
If you’re ready for a dedicated and hard-working realtor… message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!
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