Hi @paul-clarke! Great job taking ACTION! Below is my feedback.

You need a background photo (where the blue rectangle is). We have a full-time graphic designer, Lindsey,  who can create something for you to use there. Email her and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create it.
Lindsey@coredm.com

Question, have you gone through the profile accelerator in Lesson 2 of the Mindset and Momentum module yet? Currently, your profile reads like a resume, which is NOT what you want. You want your profile to be ALL ABOUT THEM and not you. The people reading your profile only care about how you can help them.

Here is an outline of what your profile should look like (but still go through the whole profile accelerator in that module!):

Headline (words under your name) — this needs work, there are a few typos and grammatical errors. Please make sure to proofread everything you write. To keep your headline simple but POWERFUL, fill this out and add it to that location:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

Here are a couple of excellent LinkedIn profile examples:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II” videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

Refer to the examples and copy the format and outline they have!

Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important. How about you list 3 questions your clients struggle with. What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?”

THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.

Next, write 2 sentences on how are you different than your competitors

Then, Who you like to work with

and finally a Call to action:

If you’re wanting _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______to see if we’re a good fit!

TAG ME IN YOUR REVISION