Hi, @nicole-yamada-2! Nice job taking action on your profile!

Below is my feedback:

I’m glad you’ve already emailed Lindsey!

Wonderful profile photo – very professional!

Headline:

I somewhat know what you do based on your headline but this could improve. Consider filling out and using this template below:

Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients _____☆☞MSG Me!

Summary:

I like that you started your summary off asking a question but I’m not entirely sure about what you do and HOW you help your clients.

I’d love for you to check out Kent’s profile and actually copy his format / outline. Just add in your own information. I feel this will really benefit your message.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

You want to provide information that is:

Telling your readers WHO you work with, HOW you help them and WHY they should work with you.

Keep it about them and what they get out of it.

Call To Action:

Yours is good!! Here’s another option:

“If you’re ready for _______ then message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me in your revision 🙂

Hi, Nicole!

This talks a lot about “I” when you want to talk about YOU (ie. the client!) Make sure you watch my BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bulls eye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

They will help you talk in terms of ONLY what’s in it for the clients.  Also, re. your headline: I know @negeen-dargahi gave you a template, and I now suggest this revision (Negeen, you want to consider this as well!):

Want to earn extra money WITHOUT quitting your job? ☆ EXPERT trainer helps you increase your cash flow ☆☞MSG Me!

because it’s more consistent with YOU instead of switching to 3rd person.  AND it keeps talking to them directly as a result.

Great job taking Massive Imperfect Action!!

Hi, @nicole-yamada-2! This looks so much better!

I’m loving your background photo and headline!

While your summary is good, there’s not nearly enough information. Remember, this is a sales letter. The more information you have on WHAT you do and HOW you help is crucial.

Please look at Kent’s profile –>

https://www.linkedin.com/in/klittlejohn/

Summary:

I want you to begin your summary similar to how Kent has it. Try opening up your summary like this:

WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:

“_____________”

Essentially…

[DESCRIBE HOW YOU HELP YOUR CLIENTS]

Yes. You read that right.

[TALK ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS BUT MAKE IT EXCITING]

Whats EVEN BETTER?

We have _____________.

[ADD MORE INFORMATION ON how you help, who you work with, etc]

If this sounds like you and you are READY for _______… shoot me a message today to see if we are the right fit!

Hi @nicole-yamada-2! SUPER job! Below, I wanted to get a little nitpicky and re-format your profile so it really stands out. You can just copy and paste it into your summary:

—
WHAT I DO IN A FEW WORDS:

Provide LIFE protection and a means to financial FREEDOM!

Essentially…

If you are TIRED of trading hours for dollars…

You came to the right place.

With my help, you will learn EXACTLY how to build a team that will help you to generate PASSIVE INCOME, while helping families secure their financial future.

Yes. You read that right!

Start building a cash flow machine to fuel your future life goals… TODAY.

You may be thinking…

“I don’t NEED life insurance because I don’t have anyone to protect or provide for.”

Guess what? YOU DO.

What about yourself?

Our company pioneered life insurance that you don’t have to die to use.

Our ground-breaking product can be used for:

Asset protection, asset growth, and to protect you in the event of critical illness/injury.

If you’re not already excited, you will be NOW with our MARKETING STRATEGY:

Our company has unlimited growth potential and a strong mentoring program.

I want to teach you the skills that helped my mentor to earn $100,000 in LESS than a year and that has her mentor projecting to earn a MILLION dollars in one calendar year!

Are you willing to “bet on yourself” and take this opportunity?

Message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!