7 replies, 3 voices Last updated by Anonymous 6 years ago
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    • #22189

      SHILPA AGHARA
      Participant
        @kimpatelp@aol.com

        Hi Amanda

         

        Please click on the link below to review my profile @amanda-hendrickson

        https://www.linkedin.com/in/shilpa-aghara-5a5b198b/

      • #22191

        SHILPA AGHARA
        Participant
          @kimpatelp@aol.com

          Hello Negeen  and Halle

          Please review my profile and provide feedback!

          http://www.linkedin.com/in/shilpa-aghara-5a5b198b/

          Thank you

          Shilpa

          @halle-eavelyn, @negeen-dargahi

           

        • #22249

          Anonymous
            @

            Hi @kim-aghara!

            Great job taking action with your profile! Below is my feedback:

            Your profile photo needs a white background (It will look MUCH more professional than your car seat). You also need a background photo (blue rectangular space behind profile photo.). Email our graphic designer Lindsey, and tell her a little about your field of business and she can create a background photo for you and add a white background to your profile photo.
            Lindsey@coredm.com

             

            Headline (words under your name)

            Okay, this is very important to note moving forward. I want you to focus on ONLY buying OR selling. Not both. Target ONE that you would like to focus on. This will help attract your specific customer avatar.

            Your headline could be:

            Want Maximum PROFIT From Selling Your Home WITHOUT Stress?☆EXPERT Realtor Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞ Message Me!

            Summary:

            You have some great information here! We just need to get it flowing better and more focused on the client.

            Here are a couple excellent LinkedIn profile examples:

            https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/

            https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

            Please make sure you watch Halle’s video called: “BENEFITS MARKETING and BENEFITS MARKETING II” videos in the Transformational Business Strategy module (bottom middle module on your MAIN DASHBOARD – turquoise with a bullseye) video index is to the right of the video window, in alphabetical order.

            There’s far too much emphasis in here on YOU and not enough on THEM – these videos will help you see why it’s important to make it so much more about them!

            Refer to the examples and copy the format and outline they have!

            Your first 2 sentences of your summary are the MOST important.

            How about you list 3 questions your clients struggle with. What are their pain points? “Tired of _____” “Want _______ but CANT?” “Are you ______?”

            THEN, after you list pain points, say HOW you can help them and WHAT exactly you do to help them achieve that.

            2 sentences how are you different than your competitors

            Who you like to work with

            Call to action:

            I love your call to action, but it is clumped along with your giant last paragraph. It needs to be its own line (refer to example profiles above)

            If you are looking for a top-notch agent to handle the [purchase or sale, not both!] of your property message me TODAY to see if we are a good fit!

             

            TAG ME IN YOUR REVISION!

          • #22300

            SHILPA AGHARA
            Participant
              @kimpatelp@aol.com

              Hi Amanda @amanda-hendrickson

              Thank you for your feedback.

              I have send the photo to Lindsey for white background and also a background for the blue rectangle.

               

              HELP ME PLEASE !!!

              I am making my niche as empty nesters – down sizing.

              I am trying to do my profile but i am stuck need help…

              The three questions :

              1. Tried of taking the stairs up and down?
              2. Want to keep your home and backyard clean but CAN”T?
              3. Are you looking to save money on bills?

              Shilpa’s top priority is to get your home sold in

              SHORTEST PERIOD OF TIME

              HIGHEST PRICE POSSIBLE AND

              LEAST INCONVIENCE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

               

              OR

              1. To sell your home at the highest price possible and by so doing extrapolate all your equity.
              2. To sell your home in the shortest time possible.
              3. To sell your home with the least amount of inconvenience to you

              As a highly trained professional i use my technology and marketing strategies , communication and negotiating skills to reach out to the global audience.

              WHO DO I WORK WITH?

              Buyers, investors, out of state buyers, 1st time home buyers , cash buyers

              WANT AN EXAMPLE?

              I met a FSBO who was trying to sell his home for over a month. House was appraised for $395k. We took his listing and within 4 days had a cash offer for $460k. Closed in 36 days.

              Another Example:

              I met a homeowner and he wanted to sell his home. We listed for $949k. Sold for $930k in 40 days and sellers got 6 months post occupancy from the buyers.

              WHAT I DO SO DIFFERENT FROM MOST REALTORS?

              I have worked in Radiation Oncology, and my  primary role was preparing treatment planning for cancer patients. I have  taken the skills learned in that profession, of caring and paying attention to detail, and now provides exceptional value for her real estate clients through expert negotiating and “listening” and “fulfilling” her “clients needs”.I believe that real estate is one of the primary tool that can obtain future cash flow and appreciation.

              WHAT DO CLIENTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ME

               

              The Paul & Kim Sales team is nothing less than the best. They helped me with the purchase of our home, sale of another house, and finding a rental. They were professional, kind, and knew the market. The range of items in these 3 experiences were vast, yet, they were knowledgeable and most of  all responded very quickly and professional every step of the way. I highly recommend them if you are either a person focused on details or you want the maximum for your home. Thanks again P&K. You are an amazing team and I am looking forward to doing more business with you.

              When I was selling my house, and was looking for an agent to work with I had call several agents and haven’t got a response on the time I need to, until I got a call from Paul Clarke and Kim, from United Realty Group Inc. and the immediate impression I got make’s me feel I have got the right people  to work with. They schedule an appointment for us to meet at my home, and they layout the entire process on how they’ll go about with the sale, and I couldn’t resist saying no, Paul and Kim, sent out a professional photographer to take pictures on the house on their expense, the house was listed a week later, buyer’s was out there the very next day to looking the house, within three days we got an offer, and it was what I was looking for. I couldn’t have done it without you guys. I will highly recommend, if you are looking for someone to work with on selling your property look to Paul Clarke and Kim, at United Realty Group Inc. I will always keep you guys in mind

               

               

              If you are looking for a top-notch agent to handle the sale of your home, message me TODAY to see if we are a good fit!

               

            • #22347

              Anonymous
                @

                Hi, @kim-aghara NICE job with those revisions!

                This looks better, please put it into your LinkedIn profile so I can see what it looks like on there next time. There are a lot of typos so make sure you proof read everything! You also switch between 1st and the 3rd person often. Let’s stick with 1st person where it is necessary. Again you should try to use “I” as little as possible. Another thing is your name.. Do you go by Kim or Shilpa?? You should only use one name on your profile. It can cause confusion if your profile name is Shilpa but in your testimonials you use Kim. See what I mean?

                I took the info you provided above and put it into a format that flows better and is easier to read. You do not want super long paragraphs because not many people will read it. Spacing out your lines and keeping your paragraphs short but POWERFUL will make all the difference. Look at the profiles I provided earlier. See how easy they are to read? That’s what I mean.

                I love the pain points you provided and they work REALLY well for your niche. However, that is the only place you talk about your client avatar. I added empty nesters into you “who do I work with” section. But it would be great if you had another short testimonial that is specific to your niche.

                Below is how I restructured your profile info!

                 

                Tired of taking the stairs up and down? Want to keep your home and backyard clean but CAN’T? Are you looking to save money on bills?

                My top priority is to get your home sold in

                SHORTEST PERIOD OF TIME

                HIGHEST PRICE POSSIBLE, AND

                LEAST INCONVENIENCE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

                 

                WHO DO I WORK WITH? Buyers, empty nesters who want to down-size, investors, out of state buyers, 1st time home buyers, cash buyers

                Want an example?

                I met an FSBO who was trying to sell his home for over a month. House was appraised for $395k. We took his listing and within 4 days had a cash offer for $460k. Closed in just 36 days!

                 

                WHY AM I DIFFERENT FROM MOST REALTORS?

                I have worked in Radiation Oncology, where my primary role was preparing treatment planning for cancer patients. I have internalized the skills learned in that profession, of caring and paying attention to detail, and now provide exceptional value for my real estate clients!

                 

                “The Paul & Kim Sales team is nothing less than the best! They were professional, kind, and knew the market!”

                “Within three days we got an offer, and it was what I was looking for. I couldn’t have done it without you guys. I will highly recommend if you are looking for someone to work with on selling your property look to Paul Clarke and Kim”

                 

                If you are looking for a TOP-NOTCH agent to handle the sale of your home, MESSAGE me TODAY to see if we are a good fit!

                 

                 

                -TAG ME IN YOUR REVISION-

                 

              • #23784

                SHILPA AGHARA
                Participant
                  @kimpatelp@aol.com

                  HI Amanda @amanda-hendrickson

                   

                  Final ….

                   

                  Tired of stair? Want to cut unnecessary bills?
                  Tried of living in a congested space ? Are you looking for a bigger backyard ?

                   

                  My TOP PRIORITY is to get your home sold in

                  SHORTEST PERIOD OF TIME, HIGHEST PRICE POSSIBLE, AND LEAST INCONVENIENCE TO YOU & YOUR FAMILY

                  WHO DO I WORK WITH?

                  Buyers, New Homes, Clients who want to upgrade, Empty Nesters who want to down-size, Investors, Out of State buyers, 1st time Home Buyers, Cash Buyers

                  WANT AN EXAMPLE?

                  I met an FSBO who was trying to sell his home for over a month. House was appraised for $395k. We took his listing and within 4 days had a cash offer for $460k. Closed in just 26 days!

                  WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT?

                  I believe there is no place like home. My philosophy is that real estate is one of the primary tools that homeowners can use to obtain future cash flow and obtain appreciation, as they buy and sell properties. I offer superior analysis, guidance and negotiating skills to achieve maximum results for my clients.

                  I have worked in Radiation Oncology, where my primary role was preparing treatment planning for cancer patients. I have internalized the skills learned in that profession, of caring and paying attention to detail, and now provide exceptional value for my real estate clients!

                   

                  DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY PAST CLIENTS HAVE TO SAY…..

                  Shilpa is nothing less than the best! She was professional, kind, and knew the market!” “Within three days we got an offer, and it was what I was looking for. I couldn’t have done it without you. I will highly recommend if you are looking for someone to work with on selling your property”.

                  I would highly recommend Shilpa. She provided quick, professional, and courteous service. She was so knowledgeable and personable. There was some negotiations but Shilpa handled them without a problem. Our closing went smoothly and I would definitely use her services again.

                  Shilpa is a very professional who listened to our specific wants and needs.We were first-time homebuyers with very little knowledge about how to find the right place. Shilpa’s knowledge base on the area, diligence, and attention to detail made those transactions worry free. Her personal attention, professionalism, and communication were key in getting our home. She kept us in the loop on all aspects. She was able to answer every question I threw her way. I would highly recommend her to anyone looking for real estate in the area.

                   

                  READY TO HIRE a TOP-NOTCH agent to handle the sale of your home, MESSAGE me TODAY on Linkedln or email me at kimsellshomes101@gmail.com or call me at (954)881-1818 to see if we are a good fit!

                • #23806

                  n d
                  Keymaster
                    @negeen@coredm.com

                    Tagging you in this, @amanda-hendrickson

                     

                  • #23867

                    Anonymous
                      @

                      Hi @kim-aghara!

                      You need to put this info on your actual LinkedIn profile and then comment with your profile URL. That way I can see what it actually looks like. You still have your original info on your profile.

                      HEADLINE: Words under your photo:

                      To keep your headline simple but POWERFUL, fill this out and add it to that location:

                      Want _______ WITHOUT _______? ☆EXPERT _____ Helping Clients In [LOCATION]☆☞MSG Me!

                      Summary:

                      Great job fixing the tenses and sticking to one name! It makes more sense now, however, it’s too wordy,  and clumped together. Note how I wrote out your profile info in the previous feedback I gave. You can just copy and paste it into your profile. Spacing the lines out like that makes it flow better and easier to read. People do not want to read long paragraphs, they want to look at your profile for and be able to flow through it in a minute or 2, to get a better idea of what you do.

                      With the info you gave for your summary, here how you should format it to make it flow well:

                      NEW SUMMARY:

                      Tired of taking the stairs up and down? Want to keep your home and backyard clean but CAN’T? Are you looking to save money on bills?

                      My top priority is to get your home SOLD in

                      The SHORTEST period of time,

                      At the HIGHEST price possible,

                      And the LEAST INCONVENIENCE to you and your family!

                       

                      WHO DO I WORK WITH?

                      Empty nesters who want to down-size, Investors, out of state buyers, 1st time home buyers, cash buyers

                       

                      WANT AN EXAMPLE?

                      I met an FSBO who was trying to sell his home for over a month. House was appraised for $395k. We took his listing and within 4 days had a cash offer for $460k. Closed in just 36 days!

                       

                      WHY AM I DIFFERENT FROM MOST REALTORS?

                      I have worked in Radiation Oncology, where my primary role was preparing treatment planning for cancer patients. I have internalized the skills learned in that profession, of caring and paying attention to detail, and now provide exceptional value for my real estate clients!

                       

                      “Shilpa’s team is nothing less than the best! They were professional, kind, and knew the market!”

                      “Within three days we got an offer, and it was what I was looking for. I couldn’t have done it without you guys. I will highly recommend if you are looking for someone to work with on selling your property look to Paul Clarke and Kim”

                       

                      If you are looking for a TOP-NOTCH agent to handle the sale of your home, MESSAGE me TODAY to see if we are a good fit!

                       

                      Use That ^^^

                      And check out these other HECP realtor profiles so you can see why this format works so well:

                      https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/

                      https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcustexada/

                       

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