Hi @colleen-waldoch! Nice job revising!

Did you send an email to Lindsey about your background photo?? (lindsey@coredm.com)

Much better headline!!

Summary:

Okay so when you ask your 3 pain point question in the beginning of your summary, I want you to take out “MSG ME!” at the end of it. It’s too salesy – that is what your call to action is for at the end o your profile.

There are still lots of “i” in your summary. I challenge you to replace “i” with “you”

Please look at this example and take note of the spaces between their points and sentences. When I read your summary, the paragraphs are thick.

Examples (feel free to copy format):

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-harris-aa0487119/

You also need a better and powerful call to action instead of “you ready?”

Fill this out:

If you’re ready for _______ then give me a call TODAY at _______ or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

Please tag me in your revision!

Hi @colleen-waldoch! Okay great, glad you emailed her!!

There’s still 3 sentences beginning with “i” – please change. Also, please only focus on buying or selling in your profile summary. 

Let me show you what I mean and I hope this helps with my formatting feedback and fill in the blanks i’ve provided:

Are you tired of maintaining that BIG home with the empty bedrooms?

Have you been planning and preparing for that big adventure after RETIREMENT?

Are you OVERWHELMED by the prospect of selling your home so that you can downsize or head out on that big adventure?

If this sounds like you… I know EXACTLY how to help!

When you work with me, you get ___________.

Essentially…

To keep you informed throughout the entire process of selling your home… I’ve created a full proof plan so that you do not have to worry or fret during this entire process.

Let’s face it… selling your home is STRESSFUL and TIME-CONSUMING.

Imagine not having to worry about knowing someone else is taking care of all the hard work!?

YES. You read that right!

When you work with ME, I take care of every single _________.

It is important to have someone knowledgeable, experienced, and trustworthy looking out for your best interests.

What’s even better?

With not only resources and experience to aid you in the presentation of your home… I will also NEGOTIATE the purchase of properties using an ARMY of resources to justify the price and close the transaction… allowing my buyers to stress less about the minutiae and close great deals!

Sound AMAZING?

Great!

If you’re ready for your big adventure, then give me a call TODAY at 941-468-5555 or message me here on LinkedIn to see if we’re a good fit!

@colleen-waldoch, love it!! Great work!